Yep still here... still waiting

So here I am still waiting for SOMETHING, dang it! Nothing to report really. No IPS, no AF, nothing.

So the better news is that I got a call from the cheer advisor at NNU and got the lowdown on the new season (I'm an assistant cheer coach). Looks like we will have a squad of 10, less than half of which are returners, which is fine with me. I like "new blood." I judged tryouts at the end of last year so I know all of them but one. The advisor recruited one more girl just this last week that is an incoming freshman. By the sounds of her, she will be a great addition to the squad :) Yay! I can't wait to see them all again! They are going to "camp" from Aug 11-14 (which I will attend with them). It's more of a retreat while doing a bunch of cheer related activities than it is the normal "cheer camp" experience. But it should be a good time:) We are headed up to a camp ground in the mountains a couple of hours north of here. Pretty exciting if you ask me!

On top of that my super, cool Dad is coming to visit Batman and me this weekend and half of next week and then we are riding back with him to Sea-town! YES! I really miss my family sometimes and I LIVE for our trips up there! I think Batman is looking forward to golfing on Monday. The only time he really gets out on the course is when my dad is in town. It seems to be their "bonding" time while Dad is in town. It should be a really good time. We don't see my family often enough (maybe 4 times a year if that).

Softball game tonight! Batman and I play on a co-ed softball team and we LOVE it! This is the first game of our fall season (I know...fall, you ask? It's the middle of effing summer and it's 100 degrees out! I said the same thing) and it runs from now until mid September. I really hope we win tonight! Well, actually I ALWAYS hope we win. Go figure.

And I'm still waiting for AF. Did I mention that already because I am. And I am getting a little impatient at this point. Let me freaking move on already! Ugh! AF? AF? Are you there?

BFN and still no AF

Well I POAS on Saturday with FMU and... BFN... and still no AF. If I O'd when I think I did, I am at 19dpo today. I would have been 17dpo on Sunday. Grrr!! Will this craziness ever end? I have been having cramps the last two days. Not horribly bad ones, but enough that I really thought AF would have been here by now.
I guess I will have to chalk this up as another insanely weird cycle and call Dr W at CD60 AGAIN to get AF kick started. I am so sick and tired of ALL of this! In a couple of weeks it will have been a year this round of trying. I NEVER in a million years thought it would take this long! WHY?! WHY?! :*(

Old times

I was rummaging through pictures on my computer and came across this one



from a year ago. We went to a wedding for some friends of ours. Batman was the best man and I was just the wife :) I really, really loved my dress. Too bad in a year of TTC I have gained enough weight that it no longer fits. But this is my goal: this time next year I will try that dress on again. IT WILL FIT!!

Back in the saddle...er treadmill?

So I have been consistently getting up in the mornings for about a whole week now (yay go me!) except for yesterday. Instead I decided to go to the gym after work and try my hand at the elliptical and treadmill.
All I can really say is... WHOA mama! I had no idea what I was missing! Oh wait! Yes I do. T.E.L.E.V.I.S.I.O.N. It's amazing how much faster a run on the treadmill goes when you can zone out on designed to sell with you headphones on (aka- as loud as you want and no one else can hear it). I think I may have fallen in love with running again. Well, at least for a day anyway. Ask me again tomorrow when I can't move my legs because they are so sore.
I think I just might try it again tonight though. There is nothing as much fun :) Okay actually I can think of MORE than a handful of things that are more fun (and just as cardiovascular) that involve a bed, a man and... well we can see where this is going so I will just stop there.

In TTC news... I think I O'd on CD22 so I would be 15 dpo today. No AF in sight. HMMM... makes me wonder. FF doesn't have me test day until Saturday so I am holding out at least until then. It may just be another annov cycle, in which case I will call my doc when I hit CD 60 AGAIN (I do NOT want to get to CD60 though unless it's due to a BFP)! See my optimism? Ya not really there any more. At least I am attempting to get healthy.

SNS: aka what I like to do on a Saturday night

So last Saturday I had the wonderful priviledge of going to the RODEO. Yeehaa! Did i ever have a great time!? Megs and I put down the $13.00 and spent a fun night watching cowboys- and LOTS of them. Have I ever said I fantasized about Batman being a rodeo cowboy? Oh wait I have! I love watching them hang on for 8 seconds(or at least try) or wrestle some steer to the ground. Don't you?
Megs and I came away with a few things: 1) a new appreciation for chaps 2) Big Brown 'nuff said and 3) a few more inside jokes to last us until CNR.
We got to see my favorite act which as soon as I can upload the video from my phone I will post it. Basically, they turn out all the lights and riders dressed up in red, white and blue lights race around the arena doing all sorts of formations. I don't know why it's my favorite, but it is. I can never remember what they are called though...
I have one last little food for thought... mutton busting! Who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea to strap a 5 yr old to the back of a sheep and see how long s/he can hold on? Really?

In Memorium

Four years ago yesterday, I was lying in a hospital bed. Four years ago I lost my son.
Happy Birthday Gabriel! You are loved and missed.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Most days, I am okay, but days like yesterday and Mother's Day, I get pretty emotional. Batman kep me busy and occupied all day, taking me to a movie. He's a good man! It's weird to think that if Gabriel hadn't had triploidy, we would have a 4 yr old today. I would be a mom. Batman would be a dad. Oh how our lives would be different.
It's hard sometimes to see what God's plan is, but I do know that no one could be taking better care of my son than Him. That gives me peace. I know one day I will see him and until then I will remember my son's face, however imperfect it was, and be happy for the few moments I had with him, carrying him in my belly, feeling his soft flutters of movement, loving every bit of him.
I love you baby. Mommy misses you!

Slow Day

Today has been a killer at work. Time just seems to stop every 5 minutes and hang there for about an hour. What is so good about 10:30?? Apparently the clock REALLY liked that time because it stayed there for about 2 hours! Ugh! It's Friday and I am ready for 5:00! The only thing I have to look forward to is a Costco hot dog at 1:30 with M and it STILL isn't 1:30...

My left boob has been KILLING me yesterday and today. It feels like tiny knives are trying to get out. While sometimes I would get all excited and think "OOOOh my boobs hurt. I must be pg or something!" I really have no confidence that I am. (plus it would kind of be bad timing seeing as my trip to DC in April just got paid off...but I think my mom would understand if I couldn't go) This pain is just typical post O craziness. Plus beyond the weird/ normal boob pain, I really have no other PS, real or imagined. (Maybe that's a good sign? Ya I doubt it!) Last time I got preggo, I was SOOOOO tired I could hardly move when I got home from work, so I am guessing that is going to be my tell-tale sign, and well, I'm pretty energetic these days when I get home. Energetic enough to sit and read from the time I get home until nookie...I mean bed time. We'll see what happens next week I guess. I *think* I might test on Thursday if AF doesn't rear her ugly (but probably welcomed) face this round. Then again I might not. I'm crazy like that.

Looky what I did

Get your own sketch


dumpr.net


Can you tell I am wasting time at work? Oops!

Sore

So I have once again decided I need to lose a few (um... more like 20) pounds, and while this was an easy feat just a few short years ago, now it is NOT. The main reason I have even gotten this (grossly) overweight can really be summed up in one word. BEER. Dang it's good, just not good for my figure. So for the past 2 mornings I have been dragging my butt out of bed and working out (turbo jam style). Um... ya, apparently I haven't worked out in a WHILE because just about EVERY EFFING MUSCLE in my body HURTS! If I have to keep this up much longer... I just don't know what I am going to do. I do know that I need to get back in shape. It's just not healthy carrying around this much extra weight especially while TTC- fat is not good for babies- period.

I do want to give a shout out to my homegirl M- who dutifully calls me at 5am to drag my ass out of bed. Thanks friend!

In other news, we booked our tickets for our trip to Sea-town! Yippee I am so, so, so excited! In a few short weeks we will be up that way for a wedding and some visiting. I just can't wait! We haven't been up there since February and I miss my family something awful. Too bad half of them won't be there while we are in town.

Weekend Recap and S's new nickname

Here's what we did all weekend:

S had drill so he was gone pretty much all day both Saturday and Sunday. Not too exciting.

Saturday I made a friendly visit to my old work. M was working (of course I see her all the time) but so was J and I really wanted to stop in and say hi to him :) It was a great time and I even got to see some pics of C's baby girl (now 9 mos old) she is TOO cute! Afterwards MIL and I went to the Humane Society to check out a possible new dog for her (long story short, we did not come home with one), then Costco (one of my favorite weekend activities) and to Cost Plus World Market where I spent WAY too much money on wine. It's all good though since most of it was for S! (I keep telling myself that anyway) I also found the most AMAZING sangria! Oh yummy did I ever drink it up Saturday night (probably too much, eek!)!

Sunday was my lazy day, so I cleaned my house and read. S got home and we rented Juno. Um... can I just say... WOW! That movie was freaking AWESOME!! I would recommend it to anyone and everyone. I probably will too! haha! I made this FANTASTIC chicken pesto pasta last night too. MM.. YUMMY!

Okay so now for the new nickname... I think I am going with Batman. Yes, Batman. That was S's favorite superhero growing up and it just fits. (Who am I kidding? It's still his favorite superhero). So henceforth, S will be known as BATMAN!

New

I got a new signature! Isn't it fun? I was reading blog after blog and I noticed that a bunch of people had them and thought to myself "why not me too? I deserve one don't I?"

So here it is... the signature I believe best represents me and my personality... or at least the one that I thought was the prettiest ;-)

I guess I just revealed at least my first name, huh? It's okay. I've thought long and hard about it and I think it's time. Actually it's more because it's hard to always remember to put "S" and "T" (although most of the time I actually go by T since it's my "family nickname" on S's side) I might just have to come up with a catchy name for S though since he is a little paranoid about stalkers. I try and reassure him that he and I are really the only two people that read my blog anyway, so it shouldn't really matter, but well... that's S for you.

What do you think?

Rough Day :*(

So for some reason today has been rough. I just feel like giving up on this whole TTC thing for a while. I'm losing hope that it is EVER going to happen for us! Ugh! All the temping, charting, BDing... it's just starting to get overwhelming again and I don't really know why... I go through phases when I am full of optimism and hope, then I start to lose faith. Sometimes I can give myself a good pep talk and get revved up again, but then sometimes I have days like today where I just feel like crying :*(
I don't know what to do anymore. I am scared to call my doc (even though he is really AMAZING!) and I am not sure why. I guess I just don't want to be told I am broken; that my body is not doing what is supposed to be doing. Or what if it is something wrong with S? I would just die if that were the case! For some reason, I think it would be easier for something to be wrong with me, but at the same time I am completely freaked out that there IS! A friend has me convinced that I really DO need to call, but I am just having a hard time actually following through with it. All the "what ifs" and "how can we affords" start bouncing in my head until I just want to give up and not do this anymore.
What do you even do? I realize I should be once again "letting go and letting God," but it's really hard to have that much faith sometimes, when it's something I want SO bad! When will it be MY turn to get a BFP??!!

Stupid temps!

So I chart...it's not really a big deal. I take my temperature every morning before getting out of bed (aka before moving any muscles more than what are required to reach for the thermometer), I check CM (cervical mucous) and CP (cervical position) I write all down and then log it on an online charting program (FF), all in an attempt to pinpoint my most fertile time-(read TRYING TO GET PREGNANT!)

So a couple of days ago I started seeing the good CM- EWCM. Okay, so here I am thinking- I must be Oing in a day or so (added to the weird, wonky bleeding and what TCOYF said). Um... apparently I haven't yet, as today's temps were STILL down, in fact even lower than they have been the last couple of days! GRRR!! Sometimes I HATE that I even do all of this! I guess it's certainly possible that today is indeed O day, but still... why can't I just have a NORMAL freaking cycle already?!

Sometimes I really hate my body! My only consolation is that I get to keep the BD fest going in full force ;-)

New Hair

So I went and had my hair redone (aka cut and colored) last Thursday



I have bangs! I haven't had bangs since, um... hmm... I can't remember when. I must have been pretty young though. I realize this isn't the best picture of me, but what do you do when all you can find is the camera on your phone? I guess it's decent enough. I do love how my hair turned out though. J is the BEST stylist around IMHO. She always is able to take my drab, fine, thin locks and turn them into something much, much better. For this, I heart her!
BTW, that's my backyard in the background. Looks pretty green, huh? Yep, that's thanks to a wonderful S who spends a lot of time on our yard and plenty of irrigation water :)
In other news, my temp was up this morning so maybe it was all O afterall? We'll see how these things progress.

Back to computers and civilization

So over the holiday, S and I went a couple hours to the east to visit his brother's family. It was a fantastic time!! I love seeing my niece and nephew :) They are too cute! I wish I had taken my camera, but alas, no. I really thought S was going to grab it when he left mid afternoon for their house (since he had Kino and the luggage and all), but he thought I was going to grab it when I left later. Ya, no camera to be had...
And for some reason, my SIL, the photog, didn't snap a single pic all weekend- which is totally unlike her. She owns a photog business for crying out loud! I bet she is probably just tired of taking so many pics that she needed a weekend off. I probably would!

When we got home Sunday we got right to work, which was really great! We washed both our cars, the harley, the garage and the house. It's SO nice to have everything clean again! We washed up Kino too since he was just plain stinky! We used our AMAZING brush again (I would easily spend that $60 again because it really is an amazing brush!) He's still hairy, but we got off a lot and I think that will help in this crazy heat we have been having! (um... ya, 105 isn't really what I had in mind when I prayed for summer weather... 85 would have been JUST FINE thank you!)
In TTC news, I didn't bring my BBT with me since I was (drinking a little) keeping odd hours and I knew it would just be thrown off. I forgot to bring OPKs though, which I had planned on bringing. I guess if I O'd, I O'd and we certainly BD enough to catch the egg (don't tell S's bro though, or we might not be invited back again! Eek! Sorry A, but sometimes you gotta do what you just gotta do... don't you want a niece or nephew of your own too?)
Temps this morning were still down (in the 96s) so I am pretty positive the eggie hasn't dropped yet. I did have this really, really weird bleeding/ spotting on Saturday and Sunday, although it has pretty much cleared up. Hmm... not sure what to think about that?
We'll just keep with the BDing (like we always do) and see what happens. If we get it right this time I would be due around March 23 which I think would be perfect! It would give me enough time to get back in shape for summer, still be able to go on my DC trip, and I wouldn't have to be hot and huge during the hottest part of the summer. We'll see what happens though.

Negative and Positive

So, OPK was a negative this morning, but I will not be discouraged! I will continue BDing like a soldier, or a sailor... err maybe not like those. They tend to get all sorts of weird diseases. Bad analogy, but the idea was there. I know I probably won't O for at least a few more days since I have NEVER O'd this early, but gosh darn it I really kind of hoped I would O on a normal CD instead of having these freakishly long cycles. I mean, really? Is it too much to ask to have a cycle that is less that 40 freakin' days? Apparently...

The BD fest continues to be in full swing (I know this is information is highly needed for the world to continue spinning) and I am LOVING every minute of it (who doesn't?) I just hope S and I don't get too tired out... although I don't think that has really (ever) happened in all this TTC time, so I won't really worry about it.

In better news (aka NOT related to TTC) S got his promotion finally!! Yay!! We've only been waiting for this since NOVEMBER! Needless to say, his boss (aka not the brightest crayon in the box) is a little bit of a procrastinator/ scatter-brain/ idiot... oh wait scratch that last one. It was a little too harsh. In all seriousness though, this has been a long time in coming and I couldn't be happier for S. He SO deserves this!! He works his butt off for his company and doesn't usually get a lot of recognition. Plus, now that he is making a little more cash, it would be easier to afford... okay I'll stop right there, since we all know I was going to relate it to TTC and I said I wouldn't do that.

CONGRATS S!! You are amazing!