Part II

Go read part II of our WCE... it's even better than part I

Don't ask questions... just. go. read.

An Update

Sorry I haven't updated you all on TTC. There really hasn't been much going on so there isn't much to update. I got a BFN on 10dpo and then kept forgetting to test (how sad is that) then finally I remembered yesterday, but then remembered AF is due today so I figured I would just wait it out.
Still no AF, but that isn't abnormal. Sometimes she waits until the afternoon before she arrives. So, if no AF by the end of the day, I'll test in the morning... if I can remember! LOL!

Go read!

If you haven't already, go check out Batman's blog to read about our Christmas adventures. He's a much better story-teller than I so it's well worth the read.

Hope you enjoy it!

Awards and Merry Christmas

So I am a little late on the whole Merry Christmas thing, but for what it's worth... Merry Christmas everyone!! :)
We spent yesterday eating horrible food for breakfast (sausage, eggs and hashbrowns... I know, I know... totally NOT vegan) then heading to my IL for dinner and games. We decided on a new tradition for Christmas dinner instead of ham or turkey: PASTA! OH yum! It was so, so tasty. My MIL made her homemade spaghetti sauce, I made homemade butternut squash raviolis, and Grandma made WONDERFUL cookies. We spent time enjoying each other's company and playing the Wii (I rock at bowling btw). Overall it was a great day, even though I am getting horribly sick.

Jayme gave me the most fabulous award too :)


Woo hoo! I'm FABULOUS!
The rules for this one is to admit my 5 addictions and then pass it onto another 5 blogs

1. Diet Coke. Although I have given this one up for the most part, I used to drink 3-6 cans/ cups of this a DAY. My last job was in the same parking lot as a Sonic, so popping over there getting a 44oz Diet Coke was easy... and addicting. I would drink at least 2 of those a day! Eek!
2. Clinique DDML I don't know what it is about this stuff, but it makes my skin feel AMAZING! I have been using it since...oh, junior high.
3.The Office. best.show.on.earth. Hilarious!
4. Kino. I talk about, love on, play with, and am completely obsessed with this animal. He's my baby!
5.Batman. might as well face it I'm addicted to HIS love! LOL

I would nominate 5 more people, but everyone I read has already been given this award! Hope everyone had a great holiday!!

The spots

So this morning Batman and I were being a little frisky and DTD and afterward I had a little bit (I do mean just a little... no more than a couple wipes worth) of pink spotting. Hmm... nothing since.

Should I be worried? Could this be AF getting ready to come for a visit? I just don't know what to think. I guess all I can do is wait it out some more...

Bucket List... yes I stole it!

Sorry I have been a little MIA lately... not too much going on for me and Batman. Although, we did have a rather eventful (read disasterous) time shopping downtown last Wednesday. I keep waiting for Batman to blog about it so I can just have you read it over there (he tells the story SO much better than I) but he hasn't gotten around to it yet. Hmph!
So in consolation here is the IPS update: sore bbs... not really counting them though as this is typical when I do O (or take Provera), weird pinching pain down below on and off yesterday, tired (fell asleep at 8:15 last night watching White Christmas... I NEVER fall asleep to that movie, it's one of my favorites in fact. That's 2 nights in a row by the way) small amount of creamy, brown spotting on 3dpo.
Oh and I decided to snag this from MrsMoeJoe. (BTW, for some reason I can't seem to leave comments on your blog... wonder why that is... but I do try)

The Bucket List

Hit forward and place an (x) by all the things you've done and remove the (x) from the ones you have not. Then send it to your friends (including me). This is for your entire life!

( )Been to Europe
( ) Been on a cruise
(x) Gone on a blind date (set up by Batman before we were dating, go figure)
(x) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico (no desire to)
(x) Been to Florida (Disneyworld!)
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost (too many times)
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
( ) Gone to Washington , DC (not yet, but come April I am there!!)
( ) Been to Vegas (again, no desire)
(x) Climbed a lighthouse
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Rolled in the snow
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Seen the Cherry Blossoms in Washington , D.C.
(x) Played cops and robbers
( ) Been present in a confrontation where guns were pulled
( ) Been in a knock down drag out fight
( ) Flown a plane
( ) Owned a boat
( ) Watched grandchildren grow (do my grandparents, grandchildren count? LOL)
(x) Recently colored with crayons (my BFF is a 1st grade teacher... we color)
( ) Been to the Kentucky Derby
( ) Been to Key West
(x) Been to a rodeo (um... I live in Idaho... this is a given)
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only (just the other day!)
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't (all the time!)
(x) Accused the family dog of flatulating (LOL totally)
(x) Made prank phone calls
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (soda hurts!)
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Had sex outdoors
(x) Had a near death experience
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
( ) Seen the green flash at sunset
(X) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
( ) Owned a convertible
(x) Been in an outside hot tub when it was snowing
1. Any nickname? T
2. Mother's name ? Mom
3. Body Piercing ? Ears. Had my tongue pierced once
4. How much do you love your job? I don't really LOVE it, but I do like it
5. Birthplace ? Washington
6. Been to Hawaii ? Yes
7. Ever been to Africa ? Nope don't even want to
8. Ever eaten just cookies for dinner? Yes!
9. Ever been on TV? YES! :)
10. Ever steal any traffic sign ? Not me but Batman has "acquired" a couple over the years
11. Ever been in a car accident? only a couple... once with a couple signs, once a lady backed into me and once when it was icy and I rearended someone
12. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle ? 4 door
13. Favorite number? 4
14. Favorite movie ? The Notebook, Gone with the Wind, Pride and Predjudice
15. Favorite holiday ? Christmas or Thanksgiving
16. Favorite dessert? Hm... dessert I could really take or leave... a loaf of French Bread though... watch out!
18. Favorite food ? bread, pasta, bread
19. Favorite day of the week ? Saturday
20. Favorite brand of body wash ? Bath and Body Works
21. Favorite smell ? Outside after it rains
22. How do you relax? Read or watch TV
23. How do you see yourself in 10 years ? Hopefully with a couple kids, out of debt completely, and happy

Answer to Margelina's question

We only recently went vegan after reading an excellent book- The China Study by Dr T Colin Campbell. I think it's been since September? October maybe?
It is not because we are crazy PETA advocates (which tends to be the case with vegans). I could care less if people want to kill and eat a cow. I have done so for my entire life with no issues. I don't think it's wrong to eat eggs or milk or steak or whatever. It's just unhealthy.

It has been a work in progress honestly. Most days it really isn't hard to eat vegan as I LOVE veggies, fruits and grains. The only thing that has been really hard to give up is cheese. I love cheese. I dream of cheese (this is not even a joke. I have had a number of dreams where I am in a cheese factory or am eating wheels and wheels of cheese. Or I am being drowned in a vat of cheese)! Meat hasn't really been an issue as we didn't eat a whole lot to begin with. Eggs I could leave or take, as they have never been something I enjoy. Milk is also a non-issue. Batman is slightly lactose intolerant so he never drank milk and I only had a glass on very rare occasions. Soy or rice milk has been a very easy substitute to get used to.

Baking was a little difficult at first as most cookies and cakes require eggs. However we discovered an egg replacement at our local health food store that works just fine. And again most of the time soy or rice milk can be substituted for cow's milk.

Does that answer your questions? :)

No lovin'

Even though I'm O'in'.
Batman was just "too tired" last night to be charmed by my feminine wiles, so BDing didn't happen. Instead we watched The Dark Knight and went to bed. Sadly enough, DH started to do the whole sleep sex thing (have I ever mentioned he does this?), but never got farther than turning over a little and saying "baby, I want some." I know it's probably too late by tonight, but I WILL seduce him for sure! Gotta get in a little more lovin' just to be sure, right?
I still think we have a good chance though (see that's me being positve for once). Everything has been pointing to O for a few days now (CM, CP, etc) so I think all the swimmers that were deposited on Sunday really have a shot of making the long journey.
We shall see what happens, ya?

I am going to take the advice about starting to POAS early that way if it is a true BFN it won't hurt so much. (I would have last cycle too, only we know how that turned out) I am really optimistic this time. I can't remember the last time I really thought it could happen.

Tag your it

I've been tagged by Margelina! Isn't that so sweet? :)



Here are the rules:1. Link to the person who tagged you.2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blog



Okay so here it goes:



1. I have never been skiing even though I have always lived within 30 min of excellent ski resorts. Pres Bush even stayed at this one. I have always wanted to try it though. I think it would be fun :)

2. I'm naturally a light blonde, but haven't been truly, virgin blonde since college. Right now my hair is redish brown and I like it so it will probably stay this way for a while.

3. I used to eat peanut butter and bologna sandwiches as a kid. Now I wouldn't touch the stuff. Vegans UNITE!

4. I don't like fish (even before veganism). Never have. Never will. Tastes like the ocean only worse.

5. I coach a college cheer squad here(but secretly think they have almost no talent among them... is that bad? I do love them all though)

6. The WORST sound in the world to me is teeth scraping on a metal fork. Even just thinking about it gives me goose bumps. Batman often does it just so he can get a reaction from me. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

7. When I was 16 I ran into two road signs. I was looking for my cell (it was ringing) under a pile of clothes and my car veered (sp?) off the road a little and I ran through not only 1 but 2 road signs. As soon as I had stopped a nearby neighbor hopped the fence and started putting them back into the ground and said "happens all the time." I guess they should move them then?



Here are my 7 to tag: Melissa, Andrea, Poltzie, Peeveme, Kelly, Carbon, T-Party

Have fun :)

Things are moving in the right direction

Whew 2 posts in one day! I just had to share though:

I GOT A POSITIVE ON OPK!! Woot woot!

I think this is the first time in about a year or so that I have had a positive (partly because I wasn't always Oing and partly because I am idiot and forgot to test some cycles until it was "too late" ie AF arrived)

Seriously though, this has made my entire week!

Batman and I will definitely be DTD today when I get home. I'm not going to tell him about the + OPK. He'll probably think I am just being spontaneous, which is fine with me. It will be a win-win for both of us.

Weirdness

So I have been having these really weird crampy like feelings down near my ovaries. I know they aren't O pains because, well I have had those and these were DEFINITELY not those, plus they have been going on since Friday afternoon. Oh and it's on both sides, but the right side hurts a little more than the left.

Could this be a sign of something?

I haven't gotten a pos OPK yet, but it has been getting darker everyday. I guess I will know in a few more days if O is going to happen at all.

Hmmm... until then I guess I am just going to have to wait it out?

Surprise for me!

Batman and I had decided to forgoe buying a real tree this year (in order to add funds to the ever needy "fix my car" fund) and instead borrow a fake one from my ILs.

Well, last night I walked into my home and smelled the most wonderful scent- Christmas. (You know, the smell of a fresh cut tree? That says Christmas to me) I didn't think much of it, thinking it was maybe something from outside or maybe (our neighbor had just come over) from the wreath on our door.
And then I walked into the living room and saw this:



I almost cried (chalk another one up to the crazy hormones). It was THE best surprise I think I have ever gotten! (Except for maybe last week when I got home and Batman had put up our outside lights... that was pretty nice too)

He then showed me this:



He already put all the lights on it for me :)

Turns out my MIL felt so bad for us that she took Batman to get a real tree after he got off work yesterday and insisted on having it up with lights on it before I got home. She is really the sweetest woman alive. I think I know where Batman gets it!

Tonight we are putting on all the ornaments after I get home from loving on this guy I can't wait!!

It's going to cost HOW MUCH?

So, I was on my way to work this morning and my car's check engine light came on and promptly died. Come to find out the engine seized and now has to be replaced. Along with the clutch. And the timing belt.

It's going to cost somewhere around $4000. Wow! Merry Christmas to Me and Batman!
I think I might just wrap up my car and stick it under my tree because that's all I'll be getting this year!

I hate car problems!

The love list is in

Go check out Batman's blog today! It's hilarious!

Although completely untrue. Kino ranks much higher...

My new love

Doesn't that just say it all? I'm head over heels for this little guy. I know I was upset yesterday and thank you all for your wonderful comments :) but as soon as I saw this little guy all that went out the window (well, until I got home and cried again... I blame the hormones) and I was in love. From his cute little button nose to his lovable squishy cheeks to his adorable forehead wrinkles, I knew I was a lost cause.


Here is me and baby Colin. He's just a doll.


And here is Mommy and Colin (please don't tell her I put up this pic... She would KILL me if she knew she was on here without makeup! LOL)

And lastly, Daddy and Colin.

Seriously, I am smitten. I think they are going to get tired of me hanging around all the time ;-)

Baby Colin is here!

BFF had her baby boy about 2 hours ago :) 7 lbs 14 oz 21.5 in long. BEAUTIFUL!! I haven't been to see them yet, but hopefully later this afternoon or tomorrow morning, but so far from pics, he is an angel! I can't wait to get my hands on the little love muffin! He is the sweetest thing I have ever seen (except for maybe my friend H's little man... he is pretty darn cute... and my nephew when he was a baby, also a doll)

Can I just be brutally honest though? I'm dying inside. There I said it. I am holding back tears right now because I am so sad that he isn't my little boy, that it wasn't me that just gave birth, that it isn't me. I feel bad for even feeling this way. I feel like I am not being a good friend because I know I will have a hard time seeing him and her, holding him, knowing it's not my turn... I don't know if any of this makes sense, or if it's normal, but I can't help but feel jealous? Is that really what I am feeling? All I know is it hurts to see her have exactly what I have been longing for for the last 4 years.
And on top of my sadness I feel angry because she plays off her pregnancy as if she were an IFer. Like 6 mos was just SUCH a LONG time to get preggo. That she has any idea of what I am going through. And I am angry because she didn't even want kids for another 3-5 years but as soon as she found out we were TTC, she had to keep up with the Jones's and jump on the baby train.
ARGH! Why can't I just let all this go and just be happy for her. It's not her fault that her body works the way it should and mine just... well, doesn't.
I hate that I have become bitter. I hate it! Why can't this process just be easy? Why can't we just get pregnant? :*(

A little late...

but better late than never I say. On sew mama sew there are a bunch of giveaways to enter of handmade crafts! go and enter!! Some of them are over but there are plenty that are still up and running until Friday! :)

Oh the hot flashes

Wait, isn't that the same title I used a couple weeks ago? Well, they are worse. Now instead of starting AFTER I stop taking the clomid, they have continued from last (wonky) cycle to this one with no break.
I can't sleep. I wake up at least every hour in a pool of sweat. It's disgusting and frustrating. And exhausting.
I think Batman is about to kick me out of the bed! He has resorted to putting a pillow between us so he doesn't accidently fall into the puddle!! He also thinks our house is bordering on cold, while I think it's a sauna most of the time.

Ugh here comes another one. I just hope they end before I have to take out all my summer clothes again!

Yay K!!

My coworker, K, just got the call from her RE today... it's a BFP!!! I am so super excited for her! She has been TTC for 3+ years now and this was IUI #10 or something crazy like that (they have both male and female IF). In fact, today she said she really expected them to tell her it was negative. She was ready to start her last cycle before pursuing IVF. When she got the results we could all here her yelling (excitedly) down the hallway :) I seriously started crying when she came back to my office and told me! She has worked so hard for this!!

I'm so praying that this little bean (or beans! OY!) stays super stuck in there!! She goes for a beta in a couple days I believe. :D

Another lousy call back

Well, I got a call back from the doc's office and this time it was the
"other nurse" (aka the one I don't like as well). Basically the conversation was as follows:
N: "Oh AF came? Did you ever get a + on OPK?"
Me:"No , I didn't but as I said my cycle was only 18 DAYS. Shouldn't I be concerned about this? And the heaviness of AF- is this a side effect or something I should worry about?" (Duh!)
N:"No, it's not a s/e and it isn't anything to worry about. Sometimes you just have shorter cycles and sometimes they are just heavier." (Uhh... webmd has abnormal uterine bleeding listed as a s/e. Apparently that is misinformation?)
Me:"Um, okay."
N:"So let's up the dosage on the clomid to 150 and see how you do" (right, because throwing more Clomid at it, is sure to fix the problem)
Me:"Could there be a possibility that Clomid just won't work for me? I was talking with my mom over the weekend and it never worked for her, and our cycles are startlingly similar"
N:"Well, it's possible, but we will just keep trying it. We don't prescribe anything other than clomid at this office. If you want to try something else we would have to refer you on to RE" (WTF!!!??)
Me:"Okay, I guess I will start the clomid today then and see if it works at the higher dosage. One last question- C said last time when you get to 150mg+ Dr W would start monitoring my cycles, like with u/s and b/w. Is that a possibility for this time?"
N: "No, we won't do monitoring until we know you probably aren't going to O or there is some other reason we should monitor you." (Are you a complete idiot?)

Again, WTF??!! Isn't the whole reason I am on f*cking clomid in the first place is that I DON'T O on my OWN?!! WTF and I on drugs for if they think my body is working normally?! And by the simple fact that I am NOT PREGNANT YET, isn't that reason enough to warrant a little piece of mind by a little monitoring? Jeeze, it's not like I am asking for her liver. I just want a couple extra tests run! Stupid, incompetent, unobliging, worthless nurse!! I am beginning to like my doc's office less and less (BTW even though I am not so happy with them now, I will NOT be changing docs {unless I get referred to RE at which point I would go back to him when cleared to} I have been through a LOT with him and these are the first issues I have had with his office- he really is an amazing doc with everything else and has seen me through a lot of tough times) And on top of it all, I am worried that RE isn't even covered by my insurance. The last time I looked into it there wasn't much coverage for IF other than some Rx's and the basic b/w and u/s and a couple other diagnostic tests (like HSG). No procedures. No IUI. No IVF.

So here I am on 150mg of Clomid, unmonitored and unhappy. :( Maybe this time it will work and then I won't have to bother talking to them about all this anymore. I just feel like they are so incompetent and unhelpful. You would think they would WANT me to get preggo since it's just more $$ in their pocket, right? I hate feeling like my questions and concerns go unanswered and overlooked. Ugh! I guess all I can do is trudge (is that even a word?) through another cycle and hope for the best.

WTF is this?

So apparently all of BDing like rabbits at the 'rents house over the holiday weekend went out the window with the arrival of AF on Saturday. WTF is that all about? I was supposed to Oing damnit! Not hosting a visit from my least favorite aunt! And to top it all off yesterday was (TMI) so heavy I was going through a tampon every couple of hours... not really that pleasant when you have to ride in a car for 8 hours. It's back to normal today, but seriously what the HELL?

I have a call into my docs office, but I haven't heard back yet. I guess I am onto Clomid round 3... and upping it once again?

We told my parents this weekend about our little bit of IF troubles. Apparently my mom was on clomid when she was TTC both my older brother and I, but it never actually worked for her so she went on something else (although she didn't say what that was). I think I will mention that to my doc (well, the nurse) and see what she says. Maybe we can try Femera? Or maybe they will just up the clomid? I guess I just have to wait and see.
I'm still unsure how I feel about my parents knowing. We haven't told Batman's parents anything other than we are trying. I guess I just feel like the less I talk about it, the less other people will want to talk about it and give unsolicited (and generally inaccurate) advice. It makes sense to talk about it with my mom though. She had a hard time TTC all of us except my youngest brother. There are 8 years between me and my little sister if that tells you anything. I just hope I don't get random emails or phone calls from anyone thinking I really care about their two cents (well, IRL people anyway... I do care what you all think!)

On a better note, we really had a fantastic time in Seattle, although all those places that I said we would be sure and visit? Ya, only got to this one. We were just too busy doing other stuff. More important stuff like eating turkey leftovers. and watching football. and playing apples to apples. (BTW, if you have never played that game, I HIGHLEY recommend it... it's loads of fun!) and shopping.

Hope everyone had a great holiday!

And we are off

Today is the day! Yippee. I am off in about 20 min and then I am headed home to pick up Batman and Kino and head out of town.

We had two snafus this morning. Upon waking this morning I realized that our house felt much too cold. MUCH. TOO. COLD. Not thinking much of it other than I wanted to get back in the warmth of my bed and snuggle with Batman, I jumped into a scalding hot shower, hoping it would scare away some of the chill. To no avail. I woke up Batman who sat up, teeth chattering and asked why it was so f*cking cold! Jeeze I felt like a popsicle! Batman gets up, checks the thermostat and lo and behold our house is a whopping 50 degrees! 50 degrees! Um... I don't know about you but that is FREEZING in my book. And much, much too cold for inside a house. So Batman throws on some clothes and heads out to the furnace (it's in the garage) only to find that our furnace is acting up again. I realize it's probably time to replace it (it's about 12 yrs old). This is the second time it has done this in a month! Thankfully he was able to get it working again and our house was soon back up to a normal temperature. We'll see how long it lasts though.

Second snafu- Kino WREAKS! Like POO! It's sick. I walked out to our family room (where he sleeps) this morning to wake him up to go potty and oh my heavens, I was blown away by the stench! I know he didn't do his business in the house because I looked all over. I have a hard time believing he farted so much last night that the house permanently smells. My theory is that he stepped in his own... ahem... business yesterday sometime and dragged it into the house. Which means I need to shampoo my carpets (febreeze and air fresheners do nothing. I tried already). Unfortunately, again, we leave today. And if it's on him still, I do NOT want my car wreaking the whole trip! That would be 8 hours of stink!! Batman thankfully (again) has come to the rescue and is giving him a bath as we speak (or more appropriately as I type?) to de-stenchify him. Hopefully he can get him mostly dry by the time I get home. Wet dog isn't really a pleasant smell either. (but it beats poo hands down so I will take what I can get)

Hopefully those will be the ONLY 2 issues we have on this trip!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

T-money- over and out!

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

Okay, I know all of you are singing the Annie song in your head! LOL

Yes, tomorrow Batman and I are headed to the fam's in Sea-town. I can't wait!! While I am completely packed Batman hasn't even started, which means he is stressed out, which means I am stressed out, which means there have been more than one little argument in our house! I told him last night to get started, but did he listen? Oh no! He's a man and thinks he knows better than his wife. Silly, silly man!

I'm pretty sure Kino thinks we are leaving him. He was very mopey last night while I was packing and didn't want to go outside at ALL this morning when we left for work. Little does he know that he gets to come this time :) He LOVES to go on car rides and he LOVES my family and their house and their dog! I know he will have just as good a time as we will!

I saw it! I saw it!!

And Twilight was oh so good!! It followed the book really well and I think I have officially fallen for Robert Pattinson. He still isn't my first choice for Edward, but I think he did a fantastic job! It was no Academy Award winner, and the author's cameo was kind of cheesy, but over all I thoroughly enjoyed it!

And I will SO be buying it when it comes out on DVD/ Blu Ray!

Tick tock... 5 days

When in Sea-town we will probably also be going here. Um... black tie pasta... HERE I COME!! (and why does it seem all my posts about Seattle are about food? Guess I must be hungry) I think I need to stop now.

Batman left for San Diego yesterday. A friend of his from college is turning 30 tomorrow so he went down to celebrate. This is the first of their "group" to turn 30 so I have a feeling there will be a bunch more trips like this. So far he is having a good time :)

I am left to my own devices this weekend. I will be doing a few VERY important things. A) TWILIGHT- seeing it Sunday at 1:45 with Megs and her mom B) DILLARDS- My MIL and I are going to some "special invitation" cosmetic and fragrance event tonight C)HOME- sitting on my butt all day Saturday (until the bball game) and watching the Harry Potter movies. Oh the ecstasy of having no obligations, no expectations. It will be lovely!

6 days left

In our travels to the PNW we will also be going here. This is one of my all time FAVORITE restaurants! Their lemon chicken is to DIE for (off the vegan diet)and their pizza with pepperoni and kalamata olives is miles above anyone else's!

Veganism is just going to have to take a back seat over this holiday! I fully intend to engorge myself on my mom's fantastic roast turkey with all the trimmings, have latte's with MILK, indulge on cheese, eat my fill of all the delicious offerings I can in the Seattle area! Oh yes, I will come home 10 lbs heavier, but my tummy will be ecstatically happy!

Countdown to Sea-town... 7 days and counting

I can't wait to go to Ikea! I don't really need anything from there, but it is one of my FAVORITE stores to visit while we are in town! Have you ever been there?

My bedding is from Ikea along with the lighting and a few other accessories. I found some really cute vases the last time I went that currently reside in my kitchen.

Take a tour of some of their dream kitchen ideas. I think my favorite is the last one, but I do rather like the 2nd to last one too!

Ahem...I'm back to my normal self

The weekend gave me time to calm down after my blowup on Friday. I was emotional, AF wasn't being very nice, and they didn't tell me what I wanted to hear- D*mn them!
I have gotten to the point now that I really am excited about this cycle. I just KNOW the clomid will work (BTW you were all right! LOL all I had to do was read the bottle to see that I was supposed to take 2 pills instead of just one- Batman had a good laugh about that). I am optimistic for a BFP too. I mean, how can you beat a story where you were conceived in your uncle's bed, right?

The weekend really was great! We had Batman's work Holiday Party on Saturday night which was a BLAST!! I don't think I have ever said that about a company party, but Batman really outdid himself (he planned the event). He hired these people to do the entertainment and had the hospital cater it (fantastic little snack BTW). The prizes were raffled off at the end (you got raffle tickets based on how much "money" you won) and I ended up winning a $100 gift card to BODO which is our downtown shopping district (Yes, even tiny little Boise has some decent shopping) I was so excited!!! It will probably all go to pay for Christmas present, but at least it won't come out of my pocket.
Sunday we went and saw the new Bond and all I can say is- Daniel Craig- OH YUM!! I could seriously rip his clothes off! And that accent- whoooeee mamma! I'm a sucker for the accent! I think he just became my new obsession.

Batman seems to be taking all this TTC stuff in stride. No more of the "relax" comments which is much appreciated and he has really been a saint (again) with all my mood swings- God bless that man! Now, if we don't get our BFP this month I just have to get him to make the SA appt at the VA. (He has already agreed to it, but reminding him he did so could take some convincing)

Part II

And apparently he doesn't expect the first round at 100 mg to work because the Rx was for 10 pills instead of the normal 5... oh woe is me

Here we go again...

Apparently my doc is a quack!

So I JUST got off the phone with one of the nicest nurses known to man (C my docs f/t nurse). I'm not completely happy with his response to my questions/ concerns.
He does think that upping the Clomid is worth trying this round so C is calling the pharmacy as we speak. HOWEVER (and this is a big one) he apparently doesn't believe in doing u/s until I am on a higher dose than 100 mg (aka needs to be 150mg) because he believes that the otc/ grocery store OPKs are reliable enough to tell me I am Oing. Part of me is saying in my head "Hooray! the Clomid is increasing so there is a higher chance that I might actually O" On the other hand, part of me is saying "WTF? Shouldn't we be making sure the Clomid is actually doing SOMETHING towards making me O, as in making the follies grow at least a little?" I mean if Clomid isn't even doing anything to those little buggers, WTF am I even taking for at all? Argh! I realize that some of my emotionality (okay not even a word, but it works) comes from my PMSing but I seriously want to cry, scream, punch a wall, AAAHHHHH!!!
I got so excited yesterday when the nice COMPETENT nurse from the clinic thought it would be the best idea to have me monitored at least a little, and now I am hearing that he doesn't even want to do that until I get a f*cking + on a d*mn OPK... which only tells me that there is a LH surge, not specifically that my follies are growing enough to release a viable egg!!! It seriously pisses me off! Maybe I am just being a brat about the whole thing, but I am kind of tired of feeling like I am never going to get a BFP! I wish Dr W could just be a little more proactive. I mean if I do get a BFP, it just means more $$ in his pocket.

Okay end of rant. I guess I am headed to the pharmacy to pick my Rx.
Oh and PS- don't you think it's cutting it a little close, calling in the script on CD 3 at 3:30pm, when I need to take it today, and SOON!? Gaaahhh! Oh the irritation!

I got a call

It didn't really net me anything...yet.
Dr W and his two normal nurses were out today (lucky me). The nurse that called me back was super nice (unlike the receptionist when I made my first call about the Rx refill) and was concerned about upping the dosage but not having my cycle monitored... by U/S! Yay for competent nurses! She wants to talk to Dr W before just increasing the dose and sending me on my way and she is going to recommend both u/s AND b/w!
Can I hear the round of applause? I wanted to hug her through the phone!
Now I just have to wait and see what Dr W has to say tomorrow (or rather one of his nurses... both of whom I adore!) She said I WILL be getting a call regardless of what the answer is to the u/s and b/w question, to let me know what they are doing with the Clomid at least.
I'm so happy I could pee my pants... or pee on a stick... or... okay nevermind. You get what I mean.

She showed up

and a little earlier than I was expecting (AF that is) ! Woo hoo! I am really happy about that because I was dreading having her show up over the weekend and possilby missing getting my Clomid Rx in time. I guess if nothing else I could have taken it CD5-9, but why confuse me?
I am waiting to hear back from the nurse on whether or not they are going to up the dosage (50mg didn't make me O) and if this can be a monitored cycle (hopefully at the very LEAST b/w) so I will update as soon as I hear.
She is being kind this time around, which is always nice :) I hope she stays that way!

I am loved!!

I almost forgot! There are 2 people out there in blog land that love my blog! :)



Here is a shout out to Jayme and Jen who both love my blog! Thank you! Thank you! Oh thank you ladies :)

Here are the Rules:

1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.
2. Link the person from whom you received your award.
3. Nominate at least seven other blogs
4. Put links of those blogs on yours, and
5. Leave a message on the blogs that you've nominated!

I'm awarding the I Love Your Blog award to...

1. Batman (of course, even though he only has been blogging a short time... it's a spouse thing, I guess... trumps just about everything LOL)
2. Candi (Please be supportive. She is going through a super tough time right now)
3. Nancy (even though I know she has already been given this award like, a MILLION times.)
4. Andrea (this girl ROCKS!)
5. Leatrice (she is having a baby. in like a day and a half)
6. Melissa (she is having a baby. maybe the same day as BFF? they are due the same day. She is awesome!)
7. Morgan (she is having a baby {notice a trend here} and is HILARIOUS)

Weekend Schmeekend

Not too much to blog about lately.

Okay I guess that's a lie. I forget I had a VERY busy weekend.

Friday night found me at the school with my cheerleaders for the first of several homecoming games/ activities. Even though I left work 15 min early, I was STILL late, which is why I hate how far the drive is between my two jobs! Grrr!! Chalk it all up to two things: a) amazing Idaho drivers and b) the fact that construction companies feel the need to do the MOST road construction during peak rush hour times, instead of doing it when there is little to no traffic (aka the middle of the night) It was fun to see them cheer, and even though there were a few snafus, they did really well for their first game of the season. You could tell there were a lot of nerves (especially the 2 freshmen I have) but they did just fine.
Saturday started early in our house since Batman decided to work with his dad for a little extra money. He was up and out of the house by 7, which meant I was up and around by 7. In an effort to make him happy, I cleaned our house as a surprise, did as much laundry as I could, and started a pot of white chili (sans chicken since the whole vegan thing). The chili is a whole other story, but I will get to it. Then I was off and running to more Homecoming events/ games.
Batman went to a chili feed with our softball team from over the summer, but did the most amazing thing when he got home :) He bought me Tetris for the Wii. For those of you who don't know me IRL, I LIVE FOR TETRIS. For some reason, I am an addict. I love it. I could play Tetris until my fingers bleed, almost have on occasion. And now that I have it on the wii, I think I may have fallen in love with Batman all over again (how sad/ shallow is my love? LOL) It made my whole entire weekend!! I've already logged quite a few hours on it (instead of working out/ making meals/ spending quality time with Batman)
Sunday Batman and I and the IL went out to breakfast and then spent most of the rest of the day shopping and relaxing.
So ya, that's the weekend for you. Sorry no pics of the games. I am a spaz and forgot my camera. Maybe I will get some tonight?

Last day

of Provera and guess what? I was no where near the emotional basketcase this time! YAY!!! :) Go me! Go me!

Now I get to wait for AF to show up sometime next week... oh joy! That puts my O likely at the tail end of Thanksgiving weekend. No problem there :D I just hope my brother doesn't mind that we will be DTD in his bed (again).

You have WHAT?

So it was announced today that one of the doctors that I work for has... WHOOPING COUGH!
Okay I realize that the likelihood of my contracting are slim to none as I was vaccinated as a child, but hello? Why would you wait 3 weeks after finding out you have it to let you staff know? And what about your patients? You are a VASCULAR SURGEON for crying out loud. Don't you think that's a little risky in the OR? Really?
On top of him having it, we think 2 other coworkers may have gotten it from him. Both have been hacking for the last 2+ weeks.
I see this as a HUGE liability for our patients! Apparently he doesn't care that whooping cough is EXTREMELY contagious for those not vaccinated, but also for those who are 50 and over and their vaccine from childhood is no longer as potent against the disease.
Gaaaahhh!! Someone talk some sense into this man!

Make sure...

you get out and VOTE today!! :) I don't care who you are voting for, just get out there and do it!!

I have to admit one disappointing factor about sending in your absentee ballot... You don't get the rush that comes when they say "Tiffany ***** has voted!" Dang I'm going to miss that this time around!

Surprised?

Not really... BFN this morning after the faintest of faint, faint, faint lines on Saturday. I think it was really just an evap line. Batman couldn't even see it until I pointed it out to him and even then he was skeptical that it really was a line.

Not even the hint of line on the test this morning, so I started another round of Provera. Oh joy! I let Batman know I started taking the crazy pills this morning. It's going to be a long week at our house. I just hope I don't have the same issues I did last time.

AF should show up in about, oh, 15 days or so, which will probably put O, assuming the increased Clomid actually works this time, around the time we are in Seattle over Thanksgiving. There's nothing like BDing in your parents house... or your brother's bed... kind of takes the fun out of it. Oh well... the things we do for TTC.

I'm officially a basketcase

So I keep going back and forth on whether or not to test early or just wait it out until CD30 on Monday. One minute I am convinced that I really am pg and the next I am certain that I am not.
Well, this morning I *almost* POAS, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. What is wrong with me that I am so AFRAID of putting urine onto a test stick? What am I so afraid of? Why does a BFN bother me so much? I usually have little to no hope of ever getting a BFP, sad I know. I am always looking ahead as to what I will do, or do differently, during the next cycle. It's always "next time" or "next month" for me. Why is that? Seriously people, I think I am losing my mind.
I think this cycle has really hit Batman hard too. Reading his blog yesterday made me cry, knowing he is scared, but knowing he does want to be a dad. Reading the song he wrote about our son 4 years ago...
We (okay maybe just me) have been kind of actually hopeful that the Clomid worked and we might have done it. I try not to get my hopes up like this a lot because I know how devastated I get when there is only one line on that test. I cry for days, and at the drop of a hat (have I mentioned I am a pretty emotional person?) I know come Monday when I don't see two lines it will be a rough day (see doom and gloom, doom and gloom)
Maybe it's just that my BFF's babyshower (which I planned and am hosting BTW) is tomorrow and I am sad that it isn't mine. I don't know. My emotions are just all over the place today (okay they have been for a while now)
I was kind of nauseous this morning, but I can't read into that as any kind of IPS since it's way too early to be experiencing THAT pg symptom. I have been tired for the last, oh, week or so. I chalk that up to restless sleep and not working out. See? There are some signs there, but they can all be explained away.
I guess I am just hopeless today...

WTF?

So there is a reason I don't/ won't let family read this blog (they don't really know I have one, and I want it to STAY that way). My SIL is always spouting off about some new thing that she read (BTW she knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING) and already gives inaccurate and unsolicited infertility advice. All/ most of which I ignore because I have been at this long enough to know what's what. Besides I have a really hard time taking advice about infertility from someone who gets knocked up at the drop of a hat (My neice was conceived when SIL and BIL were in college and not "careful" and my nephew was a "maybe we should try for another baby? Oh I guess we are pg." baby)
Yesterday she had a post up on our family blog regarding an article about the relationship between women who drink alcohol during pg and autism in children. She went on a complete rant about how this behavior is extremely selfish and "can't you just do something right for your child during pg when your child doesn't have a choice?" I was completely irritated with this. Although I will *probably* not imbibe during pg, I would never judge someone who did. It's not my place. If they want to have a drink now and then, it's their choice. SIL on the other hand would probably run up and take the drink out of their hand and pour it over their head. In my mind a sip, or heaven forbid a whole glass, of wine or beer is not going to do any damage to a child in utero. After reading her running commentary on the ills of alcohol, I went back and read through the article. Amazingly enough the women in the study had upwards of 15 drinks a week. Um... correct me if I am wrong but that sounds like an awful lot. That would be at least 3 drinks a night. I don't think she caught on to the amount because she kept referring to "even one drink."
Seriously woman! Read the entire article and stop being such a judgemental b*tch! Ugh!
Today, mysteriously, the post has disappeared. Weird?!
And, no, I didn't respond to her on there. It wasn't worth it to me.

Sorry for the rant, just had to get it out.

PS- for Nancy- I am on an unmonitored Clomid cycle (maybe because it's my first?) but I am going to ask that I at least get the CD3/ 21 (or 7dpo) b/w done this next cycle.
PPS- my uterus (or what I think is my uterus LOL) feels weird. Kind of like an aching or something... weird huh?

I like roller coasters...

but this is ridiculous!

I have been going through the emotional roller coaster ride the past couple of days (along with being exhausted) and it's really starting to wear on me. One minute I think we just might have done it this cycle, and the next I am completely deflated thinking that I probably didn't even O and the Clomid didn't work. I have worked myself into a frenzy over nothing. Jeesh! It's exhausting just keeping up with my thoughts these days!

IPS so far are little to none other than being tired. All the time. ALL. THE. TIME. I think this is what gets me the most because last time I was preggo this was the only RPS that I really remember (it was 4 years ago... give me a break) so it has me thinking. and stressing. and hoping. and praying.

I'm just so tired of all the what ifs, you know? Let me off this ride already!

Suspicious...

So I forgot about one thing this weekend... As I was cleaning our bathrooms and emptying the garbage I noticed that ALL (yes, ALL) of the OPKs I used last weekend were expired. And not just by a month or two. April 2008.

Hm... I wonder if this had anything to do with not getting a clear positive?

It's suspicious if you ask me!

Weekend Recap

The weekend turned out absolutely fabulous! I couldn't have asked for anything better :) Friday night we watched our team beat San Jose State (which boosted then in the polls again I'll have you know! YES!) Saturday we worked on winterizing (is that even a word?) our house and yard. We mowed for (hopefully) the last time, raked leaves, power washed the house, sprayed for spiders... we really have nothing left other than raking the leaves off our front tree when it finally decides to drop its leaves. We also had our annual October date and picked out cute pumpkins, got lost in the maze and had their fabulous mini donuts!
Sunday I did my normal "date" with BFF, got my house cleaned then spent time with the IL and grandma :) Overall it was really a fantastic weekend! My only disappointment is that I wasn't able to hook up with my online friend who was coming into town over the weekend :( I was so looking forward to meeting her new little man. Oh well, next time I guess!

Yawn!

I haven't had much to blog about in the last few days, just keeping busy (not by choice) and falling in bed exhausted every night.

I haven't been sleeping well for the last few weeks and I think it's really wearing on me. I normally wake up a couple of times to go to the bathroom (have for as long as I can remember) then fall right back to sleep. Lately, though I have been waking up 8, 9, 10 times a night, looking at the clock and then rolling over only to have it take a good 10-20 minutes to get back to sleep. Let me tell you, this is EXHAUSTING! I fall asleep exhausted and barely able to keep my eyes open at 8 or 9 (if I really push myself to stay up, I can make it to 9:30-10) then I wake up just as tired as when I went to bed. I don't know if this is another side effect of the Clomid or not, but jeeze! Enough already! As I type this at work, I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open enough to read my computer screen. Ugh! I certainly hope I am not coming down with something.

Batman suggested that maybe I was so tired because we are now basically vegans and I am lacking B12 (which of course makes your body so tired when lacking) but I don't think that's it because I take a prenatal (that has 50% of suggested intake) and a B complex. Between the two I am pretty sure I am covered, don't you?

Whatever it is, I am sure and sick and tired of being tired! Hopefully this weekend I can play a little catch up on my sleep (I doubt it, but one can hope...)

I'm done...

POAS. I have been peeing on OPKs since CD12 and here it is CD17 and still no +! GRRR! Irritating. Although it could just be human error, like not holding it in long enough. Who knows?

I did have some O signs over the weekend. In fact I mentioned them to BFF and she thinks that maybe I did, but had diluted pee. So, Friday, Saturday AND Sunday I had a pretty good EWCM (not oozing out, but enough for me to know it was there) on Sunday I had what I thought *might* be O pain, but am not quite sure, on Saturday I had my darkest OPK (still not a + though), all CM has gone creamy which is typical on my O cycles... Hmm...

Am I getting my hopes up prematurely? Should I keep testing for a couple more days or call it good? Today I won't be able to test until well after 8pm as I have practice AND a meeting with my two captains afterward. I hate to waste OPKs if I don't need to, especially if I am going to need them next cycle.

Batman was in SLC over the weekend for a marketing conference so BDing happened Friday afternoon and then again when he got home Sunday night... hopefully if I did O Sunday, our timing was adequate. I guess I just have to wait and see.

Oh the wonderful 2WW...

Yes, that's right!

Have you seen the first BCS poll rankings? Um... ya my team would be #12... how freaking awesome is that?

My Friday night

So on Friday I ventured my way over the the college for Midnight Madness (this of course was after my broncos beat Hawaii that thank you very much!)
For those of you who don't know what Midnight Madness is, it's a national night where all (most) colleges introduce their basketball teams to the students/ community with an exhibition. They usually do a bunch of introductions (picture spotlights, screaming, etc) of the teams and then play games with crowd involvement like dunking contests, free throw shooting, lay up relays, etc. It's a pretty big deal, at least at the school I went to, and is always a fun time.
This year since I am coaching and not cheering it was a little different standing on the sidelines, but still a blast!
My girls did AWESOME (except for one minor flub in their routine, but I like to block that image from my mind) and I was so, so proud of them.
Unfortunately in all my excitement, I did not video tape their routine. Silly me! All I got were a few snap shots before they went on:



and our token male on the team:



I think they were a little more than disappointed that a)I forgot the video camera and b) they dropped a stunt, but overall they really did a great job! They rallied, they jumped, they kicked, they threw stunt after stunt and really got the crowd going. I couldn't ask for more, right?

Now onto the Homecoming routine... ahhh!


PS on the TTC front... CD 15... still waiting to O... Clomid apparently isn't doing its job...

October 15

Today is National Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Everyone is encouraged to light a candle tonight at 7pm and let it burn for an hour. That way there will be a candle lit somewhere, all around the world, for 24 hours.

I will be lighting a candle in rememberance of my baby angel, Gabriel.

Please light a candle for yourself or someone you know that has experienced a loss.

Hotflashes?

Maybe I am just reading into the *possible* s/e of Clomid, but I have been having hotflashes ALL morning... uh oh, here we go again...
They have been coming and going since about 7 this morning. I had one in my car on the way into the office and I got so hot and sweaty, I thought I was going to vomit. Then I have had a few every hour since I got here, not nearly as bad, but I think my undershirt is going to have sweat stains! Eek!

Maybe I just wore too many layers today, and that's the reason for the moments of hotness (is that even a word?) But my word this is crazy! I am usually a cold person (I have a slight case of Raynaud's) so this is completely abnormal for me.

Am I dreaming all of this or is it really the clomid? I finished taking it on Saturday...

Halloween costume?

I think I have found the perfect costumes for Batman and I to wear for Halloween. Since we are TTC and all, don't you think they would be appropriate?

Unfortunately it also falls on a drill weekend, so it's likely there will be no costumes in our house this year. :( Sadness!

Batman becomes a blogger

After months (okay days) of deliberation (and jealousy of mine, I think) Batman has decided to start a blog of his own. While this one usually centered around all things TTC, his is geared more towards and different side of our lives (aka probably nothing TTC).

So would you all do him the honor of reading it once in a while? You never know, you might get a kick out of it (Batman is much more funny, witty, sarcastic than me).

Here is the link. Let me know what you think :)

Countdown...

Well I was reading another blog this morning and I came across this! For those of you who haven't read the Twilight series, I would highly recommend them.

I am SO looking forward to the movie! November 21st I WILL be at the movies even if I have to drag Batman kicking and screaming! I will be making a paper chain and counting down the days until the premiere! (does that make me a freak?) I can't wait!

Not too much else going on. We have been super busy (we meaning mainly me). Last week I had cheer 4 days instead of the normal 2 and again this week! It's been really crazy, but that is what happens I guess when they all freak out about an upcoming routine (Next Friday is Midnight Madness- which kicks off the basketball seaon for our little school) It's been, well... interesting to say the least. Oh the drama that you deal with when you get 8 girls together multiple times a week! Eek! It will be nice once it's done and over, but then Homecoming is 2 weeks after that so there will be no rest for the weary :( Such is life as a cheer coach I guess...

We've been having some issues, Batman and I, regarding life, TTC, marriage, etc. We just haven't been on the same page and it has really made us distant and argumentative with each other. Other than making love, there has been little we have had in common over the last few months. It has come to blows a couple of times in the last week or so (see Breakdown 1-50) but Tuesday for some reason, things escalated even more, over stupid shit (what else is new). I wasn't an emotional basketcase this time though. And we talked. And talked. And talked. And then we went to bed, got up, went to work, came home and talked some more. It is amazing what happens when you talk, and really communicate without the bull shit, to your spouse. I think Thursday was the first day in a long time that I woke up Happyly Married. It had come to a point of tolerance I think. Was I okay being married? Sure, but it felt like we just weren't in the same place. Well, we weren't in the same place. I think it will take time to *really* be on the same page, but at least now we are reading the same book. And it's been an amazing couple of days (barring my being horribly sick yesterday). I realize this is a constant work in progress, but it's nice knowing that we are both working at it.

Clomid Day 1

I took clomid this morning and obviously it being the first day, I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary as far as side effects. I think as the week progresses though I may have a doozy or two... we'll see though. I am usually pretty receptive (is that the right word) to drugs so I have a feeling that this will throw me for a loop over the next week.

The only thing the bottle said was "may cause dizziness." Hm...

Did anyone have any side effects and if so, what were they and when did you start noticing them?

Finally

CD1.

Doesn't that about sum it up? I thought yesterday was going to be it for sure, but it turned out to be nothing more than a little spot first thing in the morning.
Today however is the full monty. WOOT WOOT!

I am so excited to get this cycle started off with a bang *wink* Tuesday cannot come fast enough!

breakdown #541

It happened again last night. I got home from practice, watched a show with Batman, went to bed and promptly lost it... again. I am really getting sick and tired of all these dang hormones! I thought I was over being crazy emotional. In fact over the weekend I almost felt normal again, so why is all this happening again? GRRRRR! Batman once again is a SAINT and calmed me down, even though he probably should have just washed his hands of me and let me be a brat! I almost spent the night on the couch! Over something so stupid as me not walking the dog. Seriously, who gets mad at that? and SO mad that I was willing to sleep in another room? Really Tiff you need to get you effing head back on straight!! I will be only TOO happy to get these hormones out of my system!
At the prompting of you all, I found out that it can take up to 7 days (and more sometimes) for AF to finally show, so here I continue to wait... I guess it's not so bad, I just want to start another effing cycle already.
One sad thing came out of last night's hormone brawl though :( Batman expressed to me that he kind of hopes that we don't get preggo in the next couple of months (this was after I had calmed down and was back to my relatively normal self thank goodness or I probably would have ripped his head off). WTF? Why am I even taking clomid then? He feels that all of these crazy emotions are really weighing on us, along with all the other crazy changes going on in our lives. He thinks maybe we should take a step back for a couple of months, let life settle down and then get back on the wagon. Um... while I can partly understand where he is coming from, I have to object here. He does this EVERY EFFING TIME he feels even slightly stressed about things going on in our lives. He applies for a new job, better put TTC on hold. He quits smoking, oh better put TTC on hold. He quits gaming and now sees all the projects in the house that need doing, better put TTC on hold. He is having a stressful week at work, maybe we should put TTC on hold. I don't mean to be crazy about this, but COME ON!! It's kind of like the mentality of not having kids until the perfect time in your lives. I have told him time and time again. If we wait until he thinks it's the "perfect time" we will NEVER have kids!!!! Ugh!

I truly believe that he was only saying all this out of stress (as usual) so I will still be taking clomid to see if it will get me to O. It just makes me mad and sad that he even feels this way at all :( I guess that's all part of this crazy TTC process, ya?

Maybe I am crazy myself and he really is right this time?

AF?

How is it that AF has not shown up yet? Seriously! I took the last Provera on Saturday! Hurry up so I can start another cycle for crying out loud!!

In other news we paid off our credit card debt over the weekend :) Woot woot! And then we celebrated by going on a wine tasting/ dinner train. Um... I wouldn't recommend it to really anyone. It was completely cheesy and you could tell it was run by an outfit in small town Idaho. Maybe that's what I should have expected? I didn't really think I had any expectations going into it, but apparently I did. And it failed. Miserably. The "wine tasting" portion turned out to be a small swallow of each of 4 wines (all of which were pretty terrible and I DO like wine) and instead of full dinner they served hors d'oeuvres which were also just terrible. Pretty much it was a waste of $80 (for the two of us) and 2 and half hours.

Live and learn. LIVE and LEARN!

Hatred

Have I posted on how much I HATE the Idaho Medicaid system? Because I do. I realize hate is a strong... but oh yes! I HATE THEM!!! Let me tell you why...

Every little stinking thing on their claims has to 100% exactly the way THEY want it otherwise they deny it or send it back to you. And let me tell you, their demands are absolutely R.I.D.I.C.U.L.O.U.S.!!! You have NO idea!! If they are secondary to another insurance they have to go paper, on which you have to manually tally the unpaid amount from the other insurance to them. If the primary insurance is anything other than Medicare you have to have a referral from their primary care provider (called their "healthy connections provider") and have that provider and number listed on the claim. If they are the only insurance this "healthy connections provider" also has to be on it. If you don't have the physical referral form in your posession and they audit you, you are SOL and they will take back the money. If the claim is even slightly off-centered and the numbers/ letters/ etc are even partway outside the box they need to be in, they deny it (most insurances aren't that picky as their systems will still read the claim). No staples are allowed. No folding either.

UGH! Sorry about the vent session but I recently had to REDO a bunch of claims for them that were originally filled out incorrectly by another lady in our office (who didn't know better). They now are telling me they were not filled out correctly again. MY ASS THEY WEREN'T!! I filled them out myself AND took copies so I know what was sent! So now I have to do them ALL over again... there were over 100 of them.

Ugh! Yay for Monday... maybe I can forget about this over the weekend...

Provera post #3... too many emotions

Have you ever had those days when you are just sitting at your desk and all the sudden you have an epiphany? That happened to me today. I was sitting here "chatting" on gmail with Megs and it hit me... This time next month I could *actually* be preggo. I don't think I have been this optimistic since C1 about 3 and 1/2 years ago. I mean, yes, I have been optimistic in the past and had months of sincere hope somewhere in the last few years, but for some reason in the last year of TTC I think I may not have ever been this filled with the actual possibility of getting preggo! Oh my goodness I could have wept, I was so joyful!!!

And then the crazy roller coaster hormones kicked in AGAIN and I quickly felt anxious, then sad that it also might not be our cycle. I almost wept...
Ugh! I will only be too happy to no longer be taking Provera... seriously!

Last night was quite the roller coaster as well.

Batman came home with a wonderful little surprise for me that I L.O.V.E.D. and can't wait to watch tonight. That was the extent of the happiness for the evening though. I was feeling lethargic and kind of melancholy, didn't want to go on a jog with Batman (which kind of pissed him off) and just sat on my ass until the neighbors called to go on a walk (we do this most nights as I have an overweight dog that could really use the exercise... not to mention myself, and they have 2 dogs that need to expend some energy). Deb and I spent pretty much the ENTIRE walk bitching and moaning about our hubbies and just life in general. (I don't really get where she is coming from though as her husband just got home from Afghan on Sunday... I wouldn't really be complaining about anything he was doing, but whatever)
She kindly gave me a box of mac-n-cheese for dinner though, so I can't really be too hard on her (mac-n-cheese is my weakness!).

I watched The Office with Batman (favorite show in the whole world BTW... GO JIM for finally proposing to Pam... sorry for those who have DVR'd but not watched yet) and promptly got pissed off at nothing and took myself off to bed.

I have to say one thing here: Thank GOD Batman is a saint!

After crawling in bed, Batman and I talked about our days (the usual), at which point I flew off the handle at him being a little upset that I didn't work out with him (I am constantly telling him how much I HATE how much weight I have gained and how much I LOATHE my body) and then started crying when he said he was just sad that I didn't want to make any changes even though I complain about myself. And then I cried harder when he said he loved me anyway, but just doesn't like to see me unhappy with how I look or any part of myself (what a sweet, sweet man).
Can I just say again, I will only be too happy to take my last pill tomorrow? I don't think Batman (Or I) could take too many more days of this.

I realize that pregnancy will bring this out again (as last time I was preggo Batman and I almost didn't get married and then almost got divorced... no joke) but I have high hopes of being able to combat it somewhat. I think going into it "knowing" I will be an emotional basketcase, Batman will be better prepared this time around. As will I. This is probably completely flawed.

Until then I will try not to get pissed off or cry at the drop of a hat over the next few days.

Provera Day 3

I'm already an emotional basket case... the Provera just adds to it. Last night we had our last softball game of the fall season (I did AWESOME BTW and we won) and for some reason when we drove away from the field, I starting crying. Who does that? Really!

Not much news other than that. It's Thursday and the weekend is still a couple days away. Woe is me...

BFN, Provera and being overwhelmed

So today is the day... I POAS and well, BFN (big surprise) so Provera it is! I'll pick it up on my way home tonight and take it before I go to bed. I'll be on it for 5 days and then we wait for AF. Moving on...

Last night was rough for me. I just am feeling so overwhelmed by all the craziness in our lives right now. I almost gave up on TTC altogether! Not that I am ready to give up just yet, it's just that I didn't think that Batman and I were on the same page and with so many other things going on, it just seemed like one more thing I didn't want to think about. Here's what's going on: we are attempting to get out of debt (other than our house payment) and since we have 2 car payments, a motorcycle payment, college loans, credit payment, and normal household expenses it's been a journey. A good one, but a little daunting. This weekend we figured out how long it will take (3ish years) and it was pretty eye opening. We are sacrificing a LOT to make it work in our favor (aka no more impulse "those cute shoes are on sale and I have to have them" buys) but it kind of sucks all the same (you can check out the way it works here ), we are also trying to adopt a better, healthier lifestyle. We have been reading this book and it really makes you think about what kinds of things you are putting in your body! It is basically an advocate for changing from eating animal protein (aka meat, eggs, dairy) to plant protein. It gives study upon study of why animal protein is not good for you and how MOST of it leads to cancer of some kind or another. I realize that switching to a vegan lifestyle will probably get me ridiculed on a daily basis (since it's kind of synonymous with PETA activists and while I love animals, I have no problem chowing down on a good steak once in a while...) but I figure, why not do it for my health? Screw the social norms of "must eat meat"! On top of this we are TTC still and as a LOT of people know, this by itself is overwhelming at times. It's now come down to us going on meds (which I never even imagined we would have to do) and I think that the realization that I CAN'T do this on my "own" was just really heartbreaking. Add to that Batman is quitting smoking (Yay go Batman) and drinking in an effort to lower his blood pressure, we are "trying" to get to the gym more* (read *more than 3 times a week*), work is just CRAZY for me right now, and then there are the normal everyday issues of laundry, dishes, dinner, cleaning, etc.
I know it doesn't sound like a whole lot, but for some reason it just felt like so much was on my plate and I couldn't do anything and I had no control on any of it (I still feel a little that way).
Batman and I spent a good portion of the evening just talking and sorting through all our feelings on every matter. It was probably the first time we have done this in a LONG time (apparently our communication was failing) but it was GREAT! It was almost like a big portion of the weight was lifted. Now, I don't feel completely back to "normal" but it really, really helped to get it all out. At least today is better. I think I just needed to cry and talk it out with him. God, he is an amazing husband!
So we will just go forward from here. Changes are inevitable when you move forward. I just need to remember that they are all for the better.

One day more....

until I test/ start Provera... then it's only a matter of a few days (okay 5 days of Provera and then a couple days until AF actually shows) before I get to start the babytrain going again! YES! :) I really am excited that we might actually have a chance next cycle!

My Team WON!!

So my team played the Ducks on Saturday, stirring up more than a little excitement, anxiety, nervousness, happiness, etc in my little heart... and wonder of all wonders... THEY WON!! WOOT WOOT!!

I have no idea how it was even possible seeing at Oregon was ranked 17 and 12 in the polls and my measly little team was down at 29... well folks, we have no graduated into the top 20 thanks to that little win :) My team hadn't beat a BCS ranked team on the road in... well let's just say it's been a while (their record for that was 0-13) but now the goose egg is no longer! Ha ha! In your face you Duck slimeballs!

I have always been a fair-weathered fan of football (besides my "real" team growing up) so being so engrossed in a football game (or games since this it's now been what? 4 years... eek!) is just plain W.E.I.R.D for me. I guess we'll see how the rest of the season goes... who knows I just may become a bonefied fan for life?

Looky looky...wow I am bored!

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No more Mario Kart... please no more!

So we had some friends come in from out of town over the weekend (you can see them here). Batman was ecstatic as J is a good friend and we don't get to see them often, since they live up in Spok-compton and all. They came in on Friday and we partied up along with Megs and E-ric (the usual Friday crew). My one rationalization for drinking so heavily is that this cycle is basically a bust as still no O (see below for the details lol) and I definitely drank. it. up. (sad but true) Our friends turned me on to the most incredible beer I think I have ever tasted! It's made right here in the great state of Idaho even! Oh my TASTY! ;-) I highly recommend it :) They brought a whole case, which is now gone sad to say... I can't tell you how fantastic it was!!!
And as the title of my post alludes to, we played literally hours upon hours of Mario Kart and while it was entertaining for the most part, I am completely and utterly SICK of this game (that and I am just terrible at it!) If I never have to see another Rainbow Road, I can die a happy woman. I can't stress this enough! Batman thinks it's the best game in the world right now (along with the Wii Fit which I have to admit is pretty fun... but I digress) and so wants to play it ALL THE TIME! Ugh! Everytime he turns it on, I now walk out of the room.

Our friends stayed until about 2 yesterday and then Batman and I got to work. We cleaned the house, which was a disaster after having people stay with us (totally not a bad thing, just a fact), did laundry, went grocery shopping, did more laundry, went and dropped a few things off at my IL, and came home and collapsed! We ended up watching an AWESOME show last night called Fringe. It's on Fox and will be on on Tuesday nights! I recommend it highly! We were completely rivetted to it last night and I can't wait for this Tuesday to watch the next episode! J and D made it home safely too (always a plus when driving 7 hours to get home).


So I also have been POAS all weekend and still no O... definitely a bust on this cycle. We didn't really BD a whole lot (well at least not on Friday or Saturday), since J and D were just one room over and our house doesn't have the thickest walls, if you catch my meaning. I think we made up for it on Sunday though ;-) I am getting kind of excited to start the Clomid train :) At least it will be helping my body do what it's supposed to! YES! Only about a week to go...

Still no O

Oh where o' where did my little O go? O'where o' where can it be?

I certainly have found the "other O" on more than one occasion in the last week, but the little O that I (so desperately) want, is not to be found... I guess this cycle is a bust, just like I knew it would be. Eh, what can you do? At least this time next month I might just have O'd and be in the 2WW! YES! (who'da thunk I would WANT to be there?)
Come on CD 30! I'm ready for ya...HPT in hand. At least time I won't get myself worked up over the BFN at the end. Not that I do that. Okay maybe once or twice I have let myself actually think it might be a BFP, but only twice. At the most. Definitely not more than 3 times. *eye roll*
If I do end up Oing in the next couple of days I may wait to test until I have an adequate LP, but then again maybe not. I am anxious to get this show on the road. FO' shizzle! Lol!

A plan, a plan! Woot!

Whew! I'm so glad that appt is done and over... okay actually it really wasn't bad at all! :)

I got there and waited for about 5 min or so before being taken back by the nurse. I got to bypass having my weight checked (YAY!) since I was there mainly for "family planning." We (the nurse and I) decided to go ahead and do an annual as well since it has been about a year since the last one which was fine. She left, I changed into the LOVELY gown and lap sheet and waited about 5 more min before my doc came in.

I just have to say again I LOVE MY DOC! Okay that said, the rest of the appt was pretty dang good! He comes in, says it's great to see me, yadda yadda the normal pre- annual chit chat. He asks me what we have been doing TTC wise and asks me what my concerns/ questions are since it has been and year and he thought he would have seen me before now. I asked a lot about my irregular cycles and whether or not I am even Oing, what could this be related to, what is his normal plan of action, where do we start first, etc. He was amazed by all my knowledge, which was kind of fun :) I said that's all thanks to my friends at ivillage! lol! He thinks I am not Oing every cycle if at all and was pretty concerned when I told him my shortest cycle in the last year was around 35 days. We came up with a plan of action, then he did the normal Pap and boob exam. He came back in (after I was dressed of course) and had me go for b/w which I should find out the results today or tomorrow. I know they normally do this on CD 3 but he thought this would still give him some idea of what's going on with my body, so we shall see.

So here is our plan: wait this cycle out until CD 30. Take HPT and if neg start on provera. Wait for AF. On CD3 -7 take 50mg of clomid once a day. Start OPKs at CD12. If I have not gotten a positive by CD16 discontinue OPKs and wait for CD30 again to POAS. If neg start provera again and call to up clomid dosage. Again use OPKs until CD16 and if still neg wait again for CD30, yadda yadda yadda. When we can get me Oing again then he wants to do HSG to see if there are any blockages (although he said he doesn't think I do) and then at that point if we are STILL not preggo, have DH do SA (since DH is still on the fence on whether or not he *can* do that). From there we will see what the results are and possibly do a clomid with trigger w/o IUI, and if even THAT doesn't work then he wants to refer me on to RE. At any time though if I would feel more comfortable with being referred then he will do so.

I highly doubt that I will get a + if I POAS on CD 30 unless it is an OPK. It's CD17 and my cervix is still closed up tight with no CM to speak of. So I guess we will be moving onto clomid next cycle! I really couldn't be happier with how my appt when, even if I was a nervous wreck going in!

D day

So today is appt day... so i guess the title really should be A day? I'm starting to get more and more nervous as the day progresses, but I am really going to try to keep calm. It's just a visit to the dr office after all! Jeeze, you would think I was going to the firing squad or something.

I have a list of questions to ask and I am still debating on whether or not to print out my charts. For most of this last year all I checked was CP and CM. I temped a couple months, but it just didn't work for me since I am a restless sleeper (as in I get up AT LEAST 2-3 times a night EVERY NIGHT). So I am wondering if he would even want to see them since they don't exactly "prove" that I O? HMM... still undecided on that point, but if nothing else I can write down all my cycle lengths (including the last 2 that were HELLISHLY LONG!!)

I kind of know there is something wrong with me, but I am really freaked out for him to confirm those fears. Is that weird? Batman and I talked about it last night and at this point he is not really sure he is up to a SA, but would like them to do MY testing first to rule that out, then go from there. I think I am fine with that. After reading Candi's SA results though, it makes me EXTREMELY nervous what Batman's results could be as he is also a smoker :( I guess we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Sigh...

i just have to make it until this afternoon...

Weekend... schmeekend

So this was a pretty uneventful weekend. Batman had drill so was out at the base both Saturday and today from 5-2 which meant I was pretty much free to do as I wanted.
Saturday I went with my MIL to Art in the Park, a yearly tradition for us, although this year was a first as neither of us were really looking for anything specific as in years past. It was super crowded (remind me next year to make sure we get there EARLY), but the weather was just beautiful, so that helped. We also went out to the outlet mall and snagged a few good deals :) Hanes had some stellar panties on sale! Woot! There is nothing like a new pair of underwear to make a girl feel good. Am I right? And although I hardly EVER buy anything from Dress Barn (read have never and will probably never again) I found a very cute jacket for $16! Woot again!! :)
Today has been spent cleaning, doing laundry, cleaning and cleaning some more. With a dog like Kino vacuuming constantly is pretty much a given. His hair gets EVERYWHERE! So after vacuuming each room about 5 times, I finally was satisfied most of the dog hair was gone and moved on to more productive measures... laundry. EEK! I had no idea it had piled up so bad. That's what I get for not doing a bit in the middle of the week I guess? Lesson learned... note to self: do at least one load of laundry every day to avoid the mountain I had this weekend. That's about it. We have been working on a new budget system the last couple of months so we have been working on that this evening. Woo doggy I never realized how much money I would spend on STUPID shit until we started dissecting everything. EEK! At least it has now been curbed to a mere trickle of what it used to be.

In other news, the countdown continues... my doc appt is in 2 more days. I am getting a little anxious again, but well... that's just a given. At least I will have gotten it over with in 48 hours.

Pics from Camp... finally

Photobucket Album

Whoa that came out HUGE... not what I was expecting, but I can't seem to fix it so OH WELL... anyway you can look at the pics from our cheer camp a few weeks ago.
****WARNING**** I am NOT a photographer so some are blurry/ out of focus/ just downright ugly...

Happy Birthday To Me!

So today is my birthday... for some reason I have been half dreading it/ half excited about it (the excited bit is pretty normal as I am kind of spoiled ;P ) I am a year older and no closer to my goals which I find extremely disappointing and sad. I always thought that by 27 I would be a mom. That is glaringly NOT the case to my utter dismay. I haven't gone back to school yet. And while I really love my job, I REALLY wish I were making more $$ (but who doesn't?) TTC seems to be the biggest disappointment of them all though.
It's just that I never thought I would have trouble TTC!! It's been so long, and yet it was so easy (read unplanned/ unexpected) the first time, and now I just keep losing hope :(
I guess what I need to do is dwell on the positives in my life this year instead of the hopelessness that I feel right now.
So here goes:
1. I have a hubby who is AMAZING and whom I completely adore! and who spoils me rotten most of the time, even if I am a raging bitch to him when I am PMSy. I am so happy I found me a good one
2. I have a wonderful family who love me unconditionally even if I forget to call them more than once a week
3. I have in laws that are more like good friends than relatives (which in my book is a REALLY GOOD thing)
4. I have my furbaby Kino who I just love to pieces! (hair and all)
5. I got really spoiled this year with a new coach,a wii fit, and some nice pieces of china... what more could a girl ask for?
6. I am going to DC in April with my Mom which is a DREAM trip/ vacation for me!
7. God is still in control even if I feel like I'm losing it!

Okay I feel a little better already... now it's just too bad that I have practice tonight and can't seduce... I mean coerce Batman into taking me out to dinner...

Countdown...

So I only have 6 days left until my appt. I am kind of freaking out a little bit because... well, that's what I do when I go see my doc. Even though he is the BEST doc in the entire world and I feel completely comfortable baring my vag and other things to him (Batman probably hates knowing that) I still get myself thoroughly worked into a frenzy when I have to go see him. Annual appt, immunization, bloodwork, it matters not.
I hope he can figure out what is WRONG with me!!!

The weekend was absolutely fabulous! I got everything done that I wanted to which included getting all my autumn decorations up. Plus I even had a full day (yesterday) to relax, veg on the couch, and watch my favorite shows. We don't have cable so I have to settle for what is on free tv but I really heart Martha and Rachel ;-) How can you NOT? They were both fantastic!

Last night... cheer practice (is it evil that I have been using some of my crossfit workouts for their conditioning?)... tonight... softball... tomorrow... birthday... wait forget about that last one... friday... hopefully dinner with Batman? We'll see

Okay now I just have to get through this day!

Ho Hum Friday and week recap

Today has got to be THE most horrendously boring day here at work! I'm going insane!

In other news I finally connected with my online friend, H, last night and heard about little man's entrance :) Since he is already 4 weeks old, my call was a little overdue. He is doing great. Mom is doing great other than some BF issues. Dad is doing great. One little cute, happy family :) I can't wait to see pictures of the adorable little guy! (um... if H reads this.. HINT HINT ;-) )

It's been a terribly uneventful week in our house. Pretty much the highlight of our week beyond a softball game on Wednesday (which we won, by the way), was starting a new work out plan: Crossfit. It's kind of funny because Andrea blogged about the same thing on Sunday, which happened to be the same day Batman and I decided to also start the program. Let me tell you though, it is NOT for the fair-weather-worker outer. I have never been more sore in my LIFE and we have only had a good 3 days of work outs! (Thursday was a rest day) It's really, really intense. But you know what they say: "No pain, No gain" so I guess all this pain is going to pay off soon, right? I certainly hope so because I am really tired of my abs waking me up in the middle of the night every time I want to turn over.

Only 10 days until my doc appt! I am excited, but incredibly nervous about it, although I really have no reason to be whatsoever. My doc is AMAZING! I heart him :) As I was saying to my friend last night, I have a feeling I will be thrown on the Clomid wagon, but I guess there are worse things. Like shots. I wouldn't handle that well (great now I've probably jinxed myself into having to do injectibles!)AF is almost out of the house so the BDing will commence shortly... okay who am I kidding? AF really has never stopped that whole process at all.

New Candidate!!

So I am shocked by this I had no idea anyone even knew who I was let alone would put me up for candidacy.
I don't think it will work out though since I am not 35.

YES!

Sept 9th at 9:10 I will be talking to my doc about my infertility. Finally some answers... maybe. But I won't cross that bridge yet. I'll just assume he can give me some answers. I can't wait!! ;-)

Ahh! Sweet victory

So for some, it's a small thing, but for me, after 69 excruciating days, it is a HUGE deal.

AF FINALLY CAME!! YES!!!! I couldn't be more ecstatic about her arrival. We can finally move onto the next cycle and I am FINALLY calling my doc this afternoon. I can't wait to get in and get some answers from him. Last cycle I am pretty positive I didn't even O and then this hellishly long cycle (not quite as long as last one, but at least this time AF came on her own) I think I finally O'd a couple weeks ago when we were in Seatown visiting family and friends. Yes of course we BD'd then, and even though we didn't get a BFP, the practice was good for us (since we don't get enough... oh wait! what? For those of you who don't get that joke...scroll down my sidebar and click on the little football field. A chart will pop up and everytime you see a PM or AM in the little boxes, that means... well you can probably guess what that means... what can I say... we have a pretty active sex life LOL!)

So onto cycle 10 or 18 or 52 or whatever it is at this point. Hopefully we can get some help now (I've waited as long as Batman wanted me to).

Yay for AF! (who ever thought I would be saying that?)

Tagged... oops!

So I completely forgot that I was tagged a couple weeks ago by Candi OOPS!! So here it is "Songs that make you cry"

1) Butterfly Kisses- I gave this to my dad one year for Father's day and we both cried. It's about little girls growing up from a dad's point of view. Makes me tear up every time.

2) Cinderella - another daddy/ daughter song... do you see a pattern here?

3)The Star Spangled Banner- I can't hear this song without tearing up. For some reason it just does that to me. Maybe it's because I am a military wife. Maybe it's because I am proud I am an American. Maybe I have a thing for old English drinking songs that turned into national anthems. Who knows? I love hearing it though

That's all I can think of right now... my mind is complete mush since I have been trying to play "catch up" at work after being gone for two weeks.
Um... I guess I am supposed to tag other people so hopefully I don't tag someone that Candi already did... Andrea and Carbon