So I keep going back and forth on whether or not to test early or just wait it out until CD30 on Monday. One minute I am convinced that I really am pg and the next I am certain that I am not.
Well, this morning I *almost* POAS, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. What is wrong with me that I am so AFRAID of putting urine onto a test stick? What am I so afraid of? Why does a BFN bother me so much? I usually have little to no hope of ever getting a BFP, sad I know. I am always looking ahead as to what I will do, or do differently, during the next cycle. It's always "next time" or "next month" for me. Why is that? Seriously people, I think I am losing my mind.
I think this cycle has really hit Batman hard too. Reading his blog yesterday made me cry, knowing he is scared, but knowing he does want to be a dad. Reading the song he wrote about our son 4 years ago...
We (okay maybe just me) have been kind of actually hopeful that the Clomid worked and we might have done it. I try not to get my hopes up like this a lot because I know how devastated I get when there is only one line on that test. I cry for days, and at the drop of a hat (have I mentioned I am a pretty emotional person?) I know come Monday when I don't see two lines it will be a rough day (see doom and gloom, doom and gloom)
Maybe it's just that my BFF's babyshower (which I planned and am hosting BTW) is tomorrow and I am sad that it isn't mine. I don't know. My emotions are just all over the place today (okay they have been for a while now)
I was kind of nauseous this morning, but I can't read into that as any kind of IPS since it's way too early to be experiencing THAT pg symptom. I have been tired for the last, oh, week or so. I chalk that up to restless sleep and not working out. See? There are some signs there, but they can all be explained away.
I guess I am just hopeless today...