Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has had a fantastic day! We sure have! Brynna has been spoiled beyond belief!

More posting coming up this week! Promise! If you're my friend on FB you can see our family pic. If not, well friend me already! ;)

Happy holidays!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Another reason I'm MIA

I finally have internet again! Hooray!

First off, thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and support once again! It always amazes me that I have so many good friends that I've never met in real life ;-) What did we do before the internet? Seriously!?
Second, I'm feeling much, much better and we are ready to try, try again. I have a m/c follow up with my doc on the 21st in which I will talk to him about progesterone supps. He put me on those with B as a precaution and I wonder if I need to go that route again? I also am concerned that, while my body seems to be working correctly at the moment (which it did for a couple months after I came off the BCP before), it may go back to being stupid and anovulatory again. I think they may be doing some bw to make sure my hcg is back down to 0 as well. They did want Batman and I to take a break this month and use back up BC, but to be honest we won't. If I had waited a couple more days to test, I never would have known it was a mc so I guess I don't see the point in putting TTC on hold another month. Do you? Am I/ are we crazy? I also figure we got preggo with B the cycle after mc, so it can't be all bad to keep trying, right? Plus we don't really do condoms. And really, what else is there that's not going to completely screw up my body even more?

In other news and on a happier and brighter note (and the whole reason you haven't heard from me lately)- Batman and I decided that since my IL are on a two week vacation in the Caribbean (so we could stay at their place), we would replace our flooring NOW instead of when we get our tax return. So we picked out flooring last Monday, started renovating and removing our current flooring (yes, we are doing the removal ourselves) that night, and have been busy every day getting ready for the installation- They started that TODAY! I am so, so very excited to have brand new floors in our house. They were disgusting when we moved in almost 8 years ago, so you can imagine what they look like now! The install should be done by Friday and we should be moved back in next weekend.

I've taken a few pics of the before and during. Now I'm just waiting for the after. And I'm hoping this makes me like my house again, since we won't be able to move for at least another 2-3 years.  Here's to hoping...

Hope all is well for y'all!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Tough moments

So to fill you all in on what's been happening the last few days... It's been a roller coaster of emotions once again.

 As I said in my first ttc update, I POA OPK the other day and it was negative (somehow I rationalized it was as good as peeing on HPT since if I was preggo it would more than likely be + as it was with B), which was all I had at the time. There was a small part of me that was holding out hope that I still could, in fact, be knocked up (some serious IPS/RPS going on) so I picked up a dollar store cheapie and low and behold there was a faint line. I was skeptical because it was so faint, but it was there. I comiserated with a good GF (whom I met on IV and we've since become good long distance IRL friends) and she confirmed that it was in fact + and that I should be congratulated. That was Wed afternoon.

Fast forward to Friday. POAS #2. Also positive. Still pretty faint, but definitely a line (although it was faint enough that my first thought was that it was negative). Batman even saw the line, was skeptical but optimistic.

At the urging of above friend, I called my doc's office, who also said a line is a line is a line is a line... They called in orders for BW for anytime I want them this next week for a beta (or 2 depending on the numbers). They also had me make an first OB appt and u/s.

And I let myself be excited. And hopeful. And I daydreamed. And I asked Brynna if she wanted to be a big sister. And did she want to have a sister or a brother (sister btw). And for one moment, I felt like "wow, it really can be an easy process."

And then woke up this morning after many, many dreams of seeing 2 really pretty pink lines and I went to POAS this morning, just to see if the line was getting darker. It was a defective test. No lines whatsoever. I should have taken that as a bad omen.

I wiped. Clots, bright red blood.

It's over.

No cramping, but I hardly ever cramp, even with past miscarriages.

I knew better than to let myself dream. To let myself get excited. To really believe that it was happening and so easily.

Batman isn't too disappointed. To him it was just an egg and a sperm.

But to me? To me that was a son or daughter I won't get to meet. To me, that was a sister or brother that Brynna doesn't get to be a big sister to. To me it was a BABY. Not just a bunch of cells. To me it was hope.

I told myself I wasn't going to get upset. I told myself I wasn't going to cry. But dammit I can't help it. I wanted this one so bad. As bad as I wanted Brynna.

And I feel so alone.

Lord? Where are you today?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Pumpkin Patch

Remember way back to October? We actually did pick out pumpkins way back then! Our CSA farm does a pumpkin patch for members every year so, like last year, we took Batman's BIL (and family) and picked out our pumpkins (which btw never got carved)

Here's a little movie of all the pics (I figured that might be easier than making you scroll through them all) Sorry there's no music... I'm way too lazy busy for that ;-)

OKay nevermind... blogger hates my slide show... pictures it is:

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Yep, it's been THAT long since I updated... YIKES!!

We really had a fun Halloween. B was the CUTEST cow! We took her to Batman's old office for a quick trick or treat in the morning, then we went and had a fun morning at the library! They had lots of songs and dancing, plus some "special" trick or treating :) Brynna got to take home some candy, chocolate milk (which I broke down and let her drink... no adverse effects thank goodness) and even a BOOK! She was so excited to get to pick one all by herself to take home :) After naps and errands, we went over to my IL for dinner and real trick or treating!

Brynna's cousins Roenan and Phoenix, joined in the fun (although Phoenix stayed in the house with Grandpa and Grandma while the rest of us braved th cold and went door to door).

Here are the few blurry pics I managed to take with my phone (the good ones are still on my IL camera... do you see why we need to invest in a good camera of our own?):

where to begin?

Thanks for the encouragment on blogging again... I'm trying to find time to sit in front of the computer, but for some reason I keep finding it hard. I need to carve out some much needed "blogging" time for reading and writing ;-)

SO where to begin? Let's start with the easy stuff... TTC

AF came on Oct 31 and only lasted a few days. Not at all what her visits were like prior to Brynna, so maybe things are headed in the right direction? Here I am on CD31. Not really feeling like we caught any eggie... not even sure one dropped to be honest.

When I had the IUD out, the NP suggested I wait 2 months or 2 cycles- whichever came first- then make an appt to talk with my doc about possibly starting clomid again. Dec 10 will be the 2 month mark.

But to be honest, I'm not sure (or we since Batman's opinion does count) I'm ready to go back on meds. I kind of want to just wait and see what happens, if my body can function properly on its own, if there is something to the "relax" approach (for the record, I am a firm believer that it's more of a numbers game than it is about "relax it will happen"- Brynna was a miracle. period).

So that's where we are on that. I don't really have any desire to POAS, just to be disappointed. Plus I dont have any HPT in the house so that pretty much gets rid of any temptation ;-) I had one OPK sitting under the counter a few days ago and for the sake of peeing on SOMETHING, I went ahead... of course it was negative ;-)

Hopefully, the next update will be better

Monday, November 28, 2011

Reclaiming my blogging mojo

Okay, it's seriously been way. Too. Long.

So many things have been going on. And yet, it doesn't seem like it.

So I'm here to vow that I WILL start blogging again!! So if in the next few days it seems like my blog has thrown up a bit with updates... don't be scared away ;-)

So here goes nothing...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

My Neglected Blog

Apparently I've been on a blogging hiatus without really realizing it. I'm still here, still alive, still busy...

I think I've just lost my blogging mojo.

I keep thinking "oh, this is so going on my blog" over and over. And then it doesn't.

I guess I just need to force myself to sit down and start writing and reading again. Maybe it will come back after a little inspiration?

I promise I'm coming back... just need to find the motivation.

Oh and in case you're curious on the ttc front? AF finally arrived after 3 weeks and today's cd10... wish us luck ;-)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

2 yrs old!

Thank you all for the birthday wished for my girl! I can't believe I have a 2 yr old already. It kind of makes me sad a little that my baby girl is growing up so fast. But honestly, I'm LOVING Brynna at this age :) She so full of curiosity and her personality is really beginning to shine (along with the terrible twos and tantrums. Oy!)

Her birthday was fabulous! We had so much fun and it so nice to see all the people that love her :) I took a few pics with my phone, but most of the good pics are on my IL camera so as soon as I can get their card I'll post better ones ;-)

We had her 2 yr well kid check yesterday and she "passed" with flying colors. Here are her stats... although I think they're a bit scewed since they weighed and measured her with her clothes and shoes on (werid right?)
Height: 32.5 in (10%)
Weight:27 lbs (50%)
Again, still pretty petite, but growing right on track!

She was a little scared at first when he wanted to look in her ears and eyes, but she sat on my lap instead of the table and did just fine. Such a big girl! She got her hep A and flu shot and cried for about 10 seconds (until she was handed a sticker and a sucker).

She seems to be growing like a weed! We finally bumped her up this month to 2T (yep, skipped right over 24 mos... seemed silly to buy that size when 2T will last longer even if they are a bit big right now). Still in size 4 'sposies (I think... it's been a while since we've used any) still CDing (I'm so OVER diapers ya'll- Can't WAIT for her to be PT... but that may be a while... see below).

She talks a ton these days and we are really having to be careful what we say because she's a little parrot (I called some other driver a jacka$$ the other day while we were driving and wouldn't you know it she yelled out some version of it HA! Oops!)

She is doing really well with her motor skills, but we've decided to sign her up for a toddler gymnastics class starting next (Nov) month (similar to LittleGym)! We really love this gym! My cheer team practices in their cheer gym part on Saturdays (The cheer gym director is my assistant coach) and the entire facility is AMAZING! I can't wait!

We've been having a bit of an issue with getting her to eat more than just a few bites at meals these days and I'm hoping it's just a phase? If anyone has good ideas for toddler meals, let me know. I'm at a loss some days on what to make her for lunch (although I will admit I've taken some ideas from Ella on her WSA vs WSWO days) ;-)

Brynna also has become a morning person. This has been going on for some time now (unfortunately) and while it's nice to get the day started, I don't so much enjoy starting it at 5 am. Let me sleep in until 6 at least PLEASE! I'm kind of scared how daylight savings time is going to go around here... YIKES! Her doc suggested that we keep her up an hour or so later for a week and see if that helps her sleep later when the time change occurs. Hopefully that will help!

Potty training has been put on the back burner for a while. She's gone pee in the potty 2 times (and I think this was just good timing on my part vs her actually "going" out of cognitive thought), but other than that, she doesn't seem all that interested. She still could care less about sitting in a poopy diaper. Again, per her doc's suggestion, we will revisit it again in a couple months and see. In the meantime, we will still ask her a few times a day if she wants to sit on it and try to "go." Even if she only sits for a couple seconds, she's picking up the concept, right?

And that's all I can think of... here's a few recent pics (some of her party):

 One of my favorite pics this month
 Being silly with Mr Potatohead!
 She makes this face all the time and it makes me laugh :)
 At her party with Auntie Ashley (sorry it's blurry... dang iphone!)
 With Batman's mom and dad and cousin Roenan
 Mommy and B at her party!
 Papa (my dad) and B going through her "treasures" from the hay find
 Putting her new baby to bed
"helping" with dinner last night

Friday, October 21, 2011

Happy Birthday Brynna!

Happy 2nd Birthday my sweet girl! We love you so much!

(how did she get to be 2 already!?)

PS sorry I've been MIA this week... so much to do for her party still... will update with pics about our week AND her party :)

Friday, October 14, 2011

Tomato harvest

I planted a garden this summer. Did I tell you that? Normally, I don't even try because I tend to kill things. And rather quickly. But this year I was DETERMINED to grow something.
So I had my FIL build me a raised bed on the side of our house.

And I actually had things GROW. Over the summer we enjoyed radishes and lettuces and swiss chard, lots of basil and chives and parsely. Carrots and cucumbers. Oh my! It was de-lish!

Now that the weather is getting cooler my monstrosity of a tomato bush (seriously this thing is huge! see pic below) is finally ready for harvesting a bunch of tomatoes! And if you know me IRL you know I love, love, LOVE fresh, homegrown tomatoes (and this heirloom variety was named "best of Seattle" how could I go wrong?)! I've been more excited about this plant than really any other in my garden (other than broccoli. But that was a bust- the aphids took over and there was nothing left of it :( )

This thing took over half my garden... sadly that meant my onions had no chance (next year I will most definitely trim, trim and trim some more so I don't have such a huge plant)

So Wednesday morning I went out and picked everything I could!

I ended up with about 3 bowls full (and there are still more that weren't quite ready yet). And even though I <3 tomatoes, I knew there was NO WAY I could eat them all. So instead I took the advice of our CSA farmers and roasted them!

 I split up what I had into 2 batches- one "Italian" (tomatoes, garlic, onion, basil) and one "Mexican" (tomatoes, onion, garlic, peppers) all from either my garden or the farm.
 I threw them in the oven @ 400 for 30 min, then turned it down to 275 for about 5 hours, stirring them every 30-60 min or so.
 And viola! 3 freezer bags of each! I can't wait to use them this winter in some sauces and soups! If they taste half as good as my house smelled, they will be heavenly!
And on a side note- I think we may need to get B her own step stool for helping out in the kitchen...  (and yes, I do believe I have the world's tiniest kitchen)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Hopefully the beginning of the end

Of diapers! This morning Brynna came up to me and said "Pee pee Mommy" so we quickly ran to the bathroom where her potty chair resides, whisked off her pants and diaper and- lo and behold- she went pee on the potty!!! She was so proud of herself. And we found some "special" princess stickers (aka some random ones in my plethora of scrapbook supplies *wink* but she doesn't know that) as a reward for being such a big girl!

Now, I haven't gotten her to go again yet, but we are going to keep at it! I'm hoping that this is the start of real potty training- wish us luck!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Done and done

First off... Melissa- where did you go? Did I miss something? I hope everything is going okay for you!

Yesterday's removal was fairly uneventful. It took the NP a number of tries (more than a few, less than 10) to find the strings (what little was left of them) and get the Mirena out. But it is, in fact, out. I will let you know if I have any of the crazies coming off the progesterone. So far so good.

In other less exciting news, I looked in the mirror this morning and realized my lack of exercise the past couple weeks is really starting to show. Not on the scale, but I can tell in the mirror. So here and now I'm GOING to get MOTIVATED! Seriously, I don't know what happened, but I feel like I'm in a fog. It's kind of ridiculous.

Back on track. I need to remember the little engine that could. I think I can, I think I can... instead of getting a defeatist attitude any time I miss a day.

So here we go... back on the TTC train. Back on the workout train. Back on the healthy diet train. Back on the crazy train...

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Tomorrow is the day

And I won't lie. I'm kind of a ball of nerves. Kinda like my last post about getting the our out.

Are we really ready for this? I guess we will find out...

Now if I can just get some sleep tonight. You'd think I was awaiting my wedding day or something because my emotional state is kind if ridiculous.

Oh, and the pregnancy dreams continue, so that hasn't helped.


Wish me luck... Or maybe sanity?

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

One project down...

843 to go...

Yep I'm talking about Brynna's birthday! It's only a few weeks away and now it's crunch time! I finished the invites last night and they're being sent out this morning.

What do you think?

Okay... Must. Get. More. Done.

We did have a slight snafu with our original "venue" but we've figured out an alternate location that will work put just fine. Sadly, no live animals though.

I will keep updating as things come together.