Wednesday, October 1, 2008

breakdown #541

It happened again last night. I got home from practice, watched a show with Batman, went to bed and promptly lost it... again. I am really getting sick and tired of all these dang hormones! I thought I was over being crazy emotional. In fact over the weekend I almost felt normal again, so why is all this happening again? GRRRRR! Batman once again is a SAINT and calmed me down, even though he probably should have just washed his hands of me and let me be a brat! I almost spent the night on the couch! Over something so stupid as me not walking the dog. Seriously, who gets mad at that? and SO mad that I was willing to sleep in another room? Really Tiff you need to get you effing head back on straight!! I will be only TOO happy to get these hormones out of my system!
At the prompting of you all, I found out that it can take up to 7 days (and more sometimes) for AF to finally show, so here I continue to wait... I guess it's not so bad, I just want to start another effing cycle already.
One sad thing came out of last night's hormone brawl though :( Batman expressed to me that he kind of hopes that we don't get preggo in the next couple of months (this was after I had calmed down and was back to my relatively normal self thank goodness or I probably would have ripped his head off). WTF? Why am I even taking clomid then? He feels that all of these crazy emotions are really weighing on us, along with all the other crazy changes going on in our lives. He thinks maybe we should take a step back for a couple of months, let life settle down and then get back on the wagon. Um... while I can partly understand where he is coming from, I have to object here. He does this EVERY EFFING TIME he feels even slightly stressed about things going on in our lives. He applies for a new job, better put TTC on hold. He quits smoking, oh better put TTC on hold. He quits gaming and now sees all the projects in the house that need doing, better put TTC on hold. He is having a stressful week at work, maybe we should put TTC on hold. I don't mean to be crazy about this, but COME ON!! It's kind of like the mentality of not having kids until the perfect time in your lives. I have told him time and time again. If we wait until he thinks it's the "perfect time" we will NEVER have kids!!!! Ugh!

I truly believe that he was only saying all this out of stress (as usual) so I will still be taking clomid to see if it will get me to O. It just makes me mad and sad that he even feels this way at all :( I guess that's all part of this crazy TTC process, ya?

Maybe I am crazy myself and he really is right this time?


Anonymous said...

There is no perfect time to have kids. I love how people say "I want to be financially stable before I have kids." You will NEVER have enough money to have kids. Never! No matter how much or how little money you have, you're always going to wish you had more to give to your kid. You're always going to want the best for your child. If you love your child, you will find a way to make it work.

People place too much emphasis on perfection... but perfection doesn't exist. If we don't expect people to be perfect, how can we hold "time" to those same standards?

It's likely that you're husband's response is just a reaction from your emotional melt downs and his stress. He's probably thinking "If I wait until a time when we aren't under so much stress, TTC will be a lot easier." It doesn't work that way. When you're an adult, life is complicated by stress every single day. It's an unfortunate consequence of being a grown-up.

{{{HUGS}}} Carpe Diem hun.

Andrea said...

Oh hun...I feel your frustration. But I've heard time and time again that there is NEVER a perfect time to have a baby. Life just isn't that way and I think you know that.

I need to get over this as well. We've put off TTC time and time again until we finish just "one more thing". First it was Jim going to paramedic school, then it was me going back to school, then it was get the point. Life is just crazy and will continue to throw things in your path.

Hang in there and I really hope AF shows soon so you can rid yourself of these hormones!

nancy said...

Ugh. It's comments like that which made me crazy too. My husband was the one who asked to have another baby so before I started injecting myself full of hormones in our first IVF cycle, I asked him straight up - ARE YOU SURE? And he said yes. And then his mom tells me that he said he wasn't even sure if he wanted another one. WTF? His mom is a manipulator though, so I can't really trust that he really said that.

So your hormone thing is simply from the provera? When did it start? Are you always really emotional in the weeks before your period? I wonder if it was the ~increase~ of progesterone (which was you taking the pills) or the sudden ~descrease~ from stopping them.

And yes, it can take 7-10 days to get AF. Remember, provera is tricking your body into thinking you just ovulated. After you O, the Corpus Luteum makes progesterone telling your body to plump up lining to wait for a fertilized egg. If that egg doesn't come down to implants in 7-10 days, the corpus luteam dies off, which stops making progesterone. (if you were pregnant, the hcg from implantation would tell that corpus luteum to stay alive and increase progesterone to sustain the pregnancy). Without progesterone, your body goes "guess we aren't pregnant" and it'll start the process to slough off the lining, resulting in AF.

Sorry if you already knew that, but I simply know way too much about the reproductive system.

debbie said...

Thanks for keeping everything crossed :) Hope it works out. And I agree with the others. There is no perfect time to have kids. We also waited and waited for the right time and we thought when we start trying, it will be immediate. Guess what happened?