Monday, May 18, 2009

Talk me down

Remember how I said last week that the surprise u/s helped calm my nerves down about this upcoming one at the OB? Remember how I said I was kind of getting more excited now?
Remember?!

Okay, now forget I ever said that. I'm seriously a basketcase. All because I am so nervous for our u/s this Friday (4days OY!)
For those of you who don't know, we lost our son 5 years ago at 24 wks due to a chromosomal anomoly (triploidy). Needless to say, our 20wk u/s was less than positive and the experience, I fear, has scarred me for life.
I am to the point now that I am dreading Friday.

How can I get past this? How can I forget the past and realize that THIS baby, THIS time, is completely perfect and we won't have any problems or concerns come Friday? How do I calm my nerves and get more excited than scared? How?

I'm a ball of nerves and I am having a hard time even being happy about what SHOULD be something exciting!

HELP!

20 comments:

Morgan said...

aww Tiffany, everything is going to be ok! Worrying wont help hun! I know it's hard and the anticipation is the worst but the day will come and go and everything will be just fine, wait and see!! I know it is hard to get over the past, I found out at 10 weeks I had a molar pregnancy a few years back but my whole pregnancy with Mason I was worried to death!! Being pregnant with a healthy pregnancy after a not so healthy one seems to good to be true...and you get this feeling like oh boy something bad is going to happen again. But it doesn't, I promise. You will be holding that baby before too long!

Ella said...

It is completely understandable that you are worried about Friday's u/s. I totally understand. It's really true what they say: "Worry is the work of pregnancy". I really do believe everything will be fine and you will hear only wonderful happy news on Friday! Try to focus on what you know: that *this* pregnancy is different, and has been very normal and healthy so far.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, though. It's so hard - going through previous losses robs us of the innocence and carefree feeling many women are able to go through pregnancy with. But I believe it will only make holding our LOs that much sweeter. :-) Olive will be here before you know it, and he/she will be a beautiful healthy baby!

Melissa said...

Oh Hon, I know that fear all too well. I was a basketcase during my last pregnancy. I was so afraid of receiving another "death sentence" when I went in for each scan. It's inevitable that you carry some degree of fear with all future pregnancies. An experience like that DOES scar you for life.

Try to relax. What happened before was a horrible tragedy, a fluke occurrence. I'm sure your little bean is healthy & perfect! My fingers are crossed that you get nothing but wonderfully positive news this Friday! ((Hugs))

Emmy said...

I can totally get your freak-out. I just hope that you can think of enough other things that are different with this pregnancy than the last, and focus on those. If you would have had an u/s a week earlier last time, would you have noticed the problem? I hope that you are able to think a little less about the bad things. I hope Friday comes soon!

Joelle said...

((((HUGS)))))

Happily Married said...

You have every right to feel the way you do after all you've been through but I have all the faith in the world that Olive is healthy and you'll get great news on Friday.

I'm hoping that Friday gets here as fast as possible and that you're able to relax and enjoy the experience of seeing your healthy LO on the u/s. Maybe a prenatal massage in the meantime would help.

((((HUGS))))

Carbon said...

I can't imagine how worried you must feel! There is only one cure though, a squirming healthy Olive on screen. :) I hope the days move quickly so you can get there and get the stress part over with and start with the joyful/planning/shopping part!!!

Jen said...

You have every right to feel that way, losing your son was a horrible and awful. If I was in your shoes I would probably be feeling the same way.If I was there I would give you a big hug.

I know it is easier said than done, but try not to worry about it. You have so many people out there sending you lots and lots of well wishes.

Take it easy and enjoy the days until Friday.

(((((HUGS))))

Rikki said...

I think Melissa is completely right with what she said.

I'm praying for you. I know everything will be okay. (((HUGS)))

Kitty said...

Oh T....hang in there! This time IS different and this time your precious baby is going to be fine! You're going to hear great news and you're going to find out boy or girl! Keep yourself busy and focus on other things so you can get to Friday. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you and Olive!
Hugs! Kittyc

Ash said...

What happened before was awful and of course affects how you feel now. I am sure that Olive is healthy and doing great and that you will hear just that on Friday. Just try and hang in there for these last few days.

-----Big Hugs-----

proudnavywife1027 said...

Breathe Tiff, breathe. Everything is going to be okay. I totally understand why you're freaking out, it's very understandable. I believe in my heart of hearts that your baby will be fine and you're going to have a very happy ultrasound. I cannot wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl!! ((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

Hi, I have been following your blog ever since I read about your story on the TTC board. I too lost a baby boy at 24 weeks because of a chromosomal problem. Our baby had a deletion of chromosomal material (not an addition). However, we now have a healthy baby boy who was born on April 20th. It is so hard to lose a baby at such a late stage. It's not like a miscarriage because your attachment has become so strong over the course of the lengthy duration of the pregnancy. I wish I could tell you that my pregnancy was stressfree but it wasn't. I was worried at every milestone from the 20 week u/s to the kick counts. But you'll get through it, and in a few months you'll have a healthy baby in your arms. Thinking of you - CJ

Katie said...

It's totally normal to feel the way you do. I would be the exact same way. When you've been through something like that, it's impossible to erase the memory. I know everything will be just fine, and you are going to be holding a beautiful, healthy baby in a little over 20 more weeks! :)

Stich said...

Awe girlie, I didn't know this. Even though I'm not pregnant again, I actually fear another ultrasound the way you are! I can't really give any advice, b/c I need it myself, but hang in there! I'm positive this one will be fine and you will get to see your baby soon enough! I am so so happy for you! ;o) I can't wait to hear your happy news about the ultrasound!

Amy said...

You just have to keep reminding yourself that this is your turn for everything to work out and be perfect. Would the ultrasound tech be willing to do another ultrasound to calm your nerves? try not to stress yourself out to bad. The baby needs you to try and remain as relaxed as possible. {{{{Big hugs}}}}

Melissa said...

Just chiming in again to say GOOD LUCK tomorrow. I'm thinking of you.

Christina said...

Good luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you!

libby-ct said...

Hi Tiffany,
Sorry I haven't posted in quite a while, but I have been reading :).
Just want you to know that I'm thinking about you and hope that you get good news tomorrow at your ultrasound appointment.
Prayers and best wishes...

Shot Gun said...

GL tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you!