Tales from the {poopy} trails

The title says it all really. We've had more poop stories this week than I would care to ever have again.

B has figured out how to un-vel.cro her CD.

Enough said?

Episode 1:
Monday night, Batman and I were finishing up dinner and we hear giggling coming from our family room. I walk in there and B is squatting down, bare-a$$ naked, just laughing away. She sees me and runs towards me to give me a hug. It's then that I notice that her hands are kind of dirty... with POO! Yes, my child was playing in her own stink. She had it smeared all down her arm and all over her legs.
I, being the cool, calm and collected (NOT) mom, scream for Batman to come help me.
He, being the melodramatic one (NOT) walks in, assesses the situation and just starts laughing.
Yes, it's hilarious.

B then proceeds to run past us, into the kitchen where she sits on the floor and scoots around on her butt. Spreading her poop all over the kitchen floor. Affording me the opportunity to rescrub my just cleaned kitchen.

Finally, Batman composes himself enough to grab her and plop her in the bath. And I get to clean up the mess.

Episode 2:
Tuesday morning, I'm changing B's diaper (poopy, of course) and I successfully finish wiping her- clean as a whistle.
Then she arches her back and somehow manages to put both her feet into said poopy diaper (that I moved to the other side of the changing table- what I thought was out of reach) and smears it all over her feet, the changing table and me.
And then I realize I'm out of wipes within reachable distance.
I literally stood there for a good 30 seconds before I just used a dry one (we use reusable wipes) to semi clean it up before- you guessed it- plopping her into the tub.

Episode 3:
We are just getting out of the car yesterday for lunch at a local salad place. I can kind of smell something a little off in the general vicinity of my daughter. Assuming she is poopy, I get her out of the car and proceed into said food establishment. About halfway to the bathroom, I realize my shirt is mysteriously wet.
I look down and pull her away a bit and see that I now have a brownish stain on my WHITE SHIRT.
We get into the bathroom and I find that B has undone her diaper (while in her car seat somehow) and it's halfway off AND has had the poo of all poops. And we don't have a change of clothes.
Thankfully we did have a diaper and her shirt has been spared.

Needless to say, we did NOT stay and have lunch.

This has been my week so far.

And it's only Wednesday folks.

It's going to be a lovely week.

Ya, just lovely...