Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Uncharted territory

I've never been this pregnant before and it kind of scares me. to death.

We lost our son at 24 wks. We lost another baby before 6 wks.

Most days I am really okay. No panic attacks, just peace that Olive is doing well, healthy, perfect. But then there are those times when I go in to terrified mode and nothing reassures me. It's sad really because all I really want is to go back to the ignorant pgy bliss I had with the first one.

Too bad that will never happen. I'll always have worries; always have moments of terror; always have panic.

One of the few things that helps during those times is knowing that if she were born in the next couple weeks, her chances of survival are considerably higher than, say, a month ago. It's the small things, I guess.

I know I can't be alone on this. I can't be the only mom-to-be with overwhelming fears. Can I?

15 comments:

Fine For Now said...

Sending relaxing and hopeful thoughts your way :)

just me, dawn said...

sending you a big hug!! you are not alone!

Amy said...

You are not alone. I keep having dreams about my water breaking. And it freaks me out because I know our little guy needs to stay put for alittle while longer. I wish I could say the fear goes away, it just doesn't.

Rikki said...

Anyone who has been through what you have would be just as scared. So no you are not alone.

I'm praying that God will give you some peace with this worry.

Melissa said...

I was constantly worried in my pregnancy - so much so that I regret having wasted my time worrying instead of enjoying it for what it was. I try to tell myself that I won't be worried next time, but we all know that's an impossibility!

You're not alone, but definitely take comfort in knowing that you have reached the "point of viability" and that's definitely a good thing. I think Olive will be baking for a very long time. :)

Christina said...

You're not the only one worrying. I worry about everything too. I've been holding my breath till I reach 24 weeks and I only have 1 1/2 weeks to go.

Rose's Daughter said...

You are NOT alone in feeling this way. I will be 20 weeks on Friday, and my mind is irrational sometimes. I worry, I stress, I try to let it go. But like you the happy ignorance of the my first pregnancy will never be again.

Morgan said...

Your feelings are perfectly normal, as stressful as they may be. I worried over the stupidest things, things I wouldn't even tell anyone!

I hate to tell you, but after the baby is born it doesn't change. It doesn't get any better, possible worse. It's part of being a Mother, but you will get through it like all the other Mommys! Try not to stress too much girl, the baby can pick up on it! :)

Kriss said...

One of my very good friends (we worked together at the time) was pregnant with twin and had them at 24 weeks. They were just too early and one died the next day and the other a week later. She went on to have three other healthy pregnancys but she was very scared the entire time. Once she reached 30 weeks she started to relax a bit. Anyway, I say all of that to say, I saw her pain and heard her anguish. I hope and pray that your next couple of months are easy and that your fear level goes down. -kriss

Jen said...

I think these thoughts you are having are perfectly normal. Remember you are not alone we are all here for you!

(((((BIG HUGS))))

"Adair Flair" said...

Olive is perfect...and she is thriving and growing perfectly!

Marie said...

You are not the only one. I have never lost a child and there is never a day that I don't worry about my little boy. If he doesn't move enough, I worry. If he moves too much, I worry. Its crazy realy but I simply can't help it.

The good news is we are closer to the finish line than the starting gate and our little ones ARE going to be born perfectly healthy.

Happily Married said...

You're absolutely not the only one! It's ok to have those fears. Acknowledge them and then try to remind yourself that Olive is growing well inside you and you'll have a healthy baby girl at the end of this journey. Sending you peaceful thoughts.

Kitty said...

Hang in there. I think we all have some fears but I'm sure you have more with your past. Think + and know it will all be ok. Olive is strong, vibrant and not coming for quite some time. :)
Kitty

Katie said...

{{{hugs}}} Your thoughts are totally normal, but no worries: Olive is going to be a perfect, healthy baby!