Thursday, July 10, 2008

Rough Day :*(

So for some reason today has been rough. I just feel like giving up on this whole TTC thing for a while. I'm losing hope that it is EVER going to happen for us! Ugh! All the temping, charting, BDing... it's just starting to get overwhelming again and I don't really know why... I go through phases when I am full of optimism and hope, then I start to lose faith. Sometimes I can give myself a good pep talk and get revved up again, but then sometimes I have days like today where I just feel like crying :*(
I don't know what to do anymore. I am scared to call my doc (even though he is really AMAZING!) and I am not sure why. I guess I just don't want to be told I am broken; that my body is not doing what is supposed to be doing. Or what if it is something wrong with S? I would just die if that were the case! For some reason, I think it would be easier for something to be wrong with me, but at the same time I am completely freaked out that there IS! A friend has me convinced that I really DO need to call, but I am just having a hard time actually following through with it. All the "what ifs" and "how can we affords" start bouncing in my head until I just want to give up and not do this anymore.
What do you even do? I realize I should be once again "letting go and letting God," but it's really hard to have that much faith sometimes, when it's something I want SO bad! When will it be MY turn to get a BFP??!!


Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. I have my first RE appointment tomorrow and I'm absolutely terrified. I keep having to fight the urge to call and cancel. It's so hard. I thought that once my doctor referred me to see an RE I'd feel so relieved, like "Finally I can get some answers"... but now, it's like I'm afraid to hear the answers because what if they are too awful? What if I can't handle them? What if he tells me that we have no chance? ... TTC is by far one of the hardest things I've ever been through.

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