BFF had her baby boy about 2 hours ago :) 7 lbs 14 oz 21.5 in long. BEAUTIFUL!! I haven't been to see them yet, but hopefully later this afternoon or tomorrow morning, but so far from pics, he is an angel! I can't wait to get my hands on the little love muffin! He is the sweetest thing I have ever seen (except for maybe my friend H's little man... he is pretty darn cute... and my nephew when he was a baby, also a doll)
Can I just be brutally honest though? I'm dying inside. There I said it. I am holding back tears right now because I am so sad that he isn't my little boy, that it wasn't me that just gave birth, that it isn't me. I feel bad for even feeling this way. I feel like I am not being a good friend because I know I will have a hard time seeing him and her, holding him, knowing it's not my turn... I don't know if any of this makes sense, or if it's normal, but I can't help but feel jealous? Is that really what I am feeling? All I know is it hurts to see her have exactly what I have been longing for for the last 4 years.
And on top of my sadness I feel angry because she plays off her pregnancy as if she were an IFer. Like 6 mos was just SUCH a LONG time to get preggo. That she has any idea of what I am going through. And I am angry because she didn't even want kids for another 3-5 years but as soon as she found out we were TTC, she had to keep up with the Jones's and jump on the baby train.
ARGH! Why can't I just let all this go and just be happy for her. It's not her fault that her body works the way it should and mine just... well, doesn't.
I hate that I have become bitter. I hate it! Why can't this process just be easy? Why can't we just get pregnant? :*(